I was getting on a train recently with luggage and was trying to make my way in amidst a few passengers who were standing right in front of the door as the doors began to close.
As I tried making my way in, a guy near the door said – “Hey, be careful. There’s a pregnant lady here.”
I turned, realized she’d been among the crowd, and conveyed a quick apology. He, however, went on with – “What an asshole” and a couple other choice remarks.
I chose not to respond and we all moved on.
A couple reflections –
(1) That space between stimulus and response is so important to maintain our own sanity. Even in situations where we perceive said stimulus to be unfair, it is often best to let things go. This is especially the case with one-off interactions.
(2) Such reactions are more commonly expressed by the dominant demographic group in the particular area. And more often from men vs. women. Caste systems or their spiritual equivalents tend to be everpresent.
(3) Anger often flows from judgment that flows from assuming bad intentions. Compassion, on the other hand, flows from assuming good intentions.
(4) Forgiveness is not something we do for the other person. It is what we do to help ourselves move on.
(5) And a tactical note – when you are on a train, try not to stand in a way that blocks the door at a stop. Move inside even if you’re getting off at the next stop – you can always make it back to the door when the train moves. It goes a long way.
