January 4th 2025.
I remember sitting in my apartment, scrolling through countless sperm bank websites on my phone. As I read through their sterile profiles, listing physical characteristics like hair and eye color, I couldn't help but wonder about the men behind the information. Who were they as individuals? Would they make good fathers? What if my future child wanted to meet their biological father one day? These were all questions that weighed heavily on my mind.
At 38 years old, I knew I was running out of time to have a baby the traditional way. Despite my best efforts, finding a partner and getting married seemed like an elusive dream. So, I turned to the idea of becoming a solo mother by choice. But even that decision came with its own challenges. The process of finding a sperm donor felt overwhelming and impersonal.
After days of fruitlessly scrolling through sperm bank sites, I stumbled upon a whole new world of freelance sperm donation. It was a place where men offered their genetic material for free to women like me who were seeking help to become mothers. I discovered several groups on Facebook where men were offering their sperm and women were eagerly seeking it out.
In the beginning, I chatted with many potential donors, but most of the interactions were short and strange. Some men were creepy, offering their "seed" or trying to pressure me into having sex. It was disheartening, to say the least. However, one day a man named Ben reached out to me directly. He had seen my post on the group and was moved by my story of growing up caring for my three younger brothers. He seemed to genuinely care about the well-being of the child that would result from his donation.
Ben was a lawyer and engaged to a woman who supported his decision to donate sperm on a limited basis. He had already helped create nine families through his donations. He took the process seriously and was very selective in choosing the women he donated to. His thoughtful approach was a breath of fresh air for me.
We met for the first time in September 2020, and we discussed our preferences for how his relationship with the child would work. Ben was not comfortable meeting the child before they turned 18, but he was open to receiving and responding to letters in the meantime. We also talked about important issues, like what would happen if I were to pass away. Ben assured me that he would not challenge my family for custody.
After that initial meeting, we crafted a donor-recipient contract based on our agreed terms and decided to move forward with our plans. Ben consistently met with me three days a month around my ovulation. I would take the train to his apartment, and he would provide a fresh sperm sample in a menstrual cup for me to insert in the ladies' room.
However, after 12 cycles, it became clear that this method was not working. Ben kindly agreed to help me with IVF. The process involved weeks of hormone injections into my stomach to stimulate my eggs' growth. On the day of the egg retrieval, I was sedated while doctors extracted the eggs from my ovaries with a fine needle. Meanwhile, Ben provided a fresh sperm sample. The doctors then injected the sperm into each egg and hoped for successful fertilization.
My second embryo transfer was successful, and I am now the proud mother of a beautiful baby thanks to the generosity of Ben. Looking back, I am grateful for the unconventional path that led me to motherhood and for the wonderful person that Ben has become in my child's life.
I took a deep breath as I sat on my couch, phone in hand, and typed in the words "sperm donor that you know" into the search bar. As I scrolled through the various sperm bank websites, I couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness. Everything about the process seemed so clinical and impersonal, with lists of physical traits like hair and eye color, and height. But what about the things that truly mattered to me? Who were these men beyond their physical characteristics? What kind of person were they? Would I feel comfortable knowing that my child could potentially meet their biological father in the future?
Becoming a solo mother by choice at the age of 38 in 2020 was not an easy decision, but I knew deep down that it was what I wanted. Despite my efforts, finding a partner and getting married had proven to be elusive. After days of mindlessly scrolling through sperm bank websites, it suddenly dawned on me that there could be other options out there.
That's when I stumbled upon the world of freelance sperm donation. It was a place where men offered their genetic material for free to women who needed assistance in becoming mothers. I found several groups on Facebook where men were generously offering their sperm and women were desperately seeking it out.
In the beginning, I chatted with dozens of potential donors. I made a post about myself, sharing that I was a professional journalist who had grown up helping care for my three younger brothers. I had always dreamed of being a mother and received about 60 messages from sperm donors. However, after 12 unsuccessful cycles, I realized that this method was not working for me.
Most of the messages I received were short and to the point, with some being downright creepy. I made it clear that I was only interested in artificial insemination and preferred someone local who was willing to be involved in the child's life. Then, one day, a man named Ben reached out to me. Instead of commenting on my post, he contacted me directly and said that I seemed like a person who would make a great mother. I was touched by his words and moved by his story of caring for his own siblings.
Ben was a lawyer who was engaged to a woman who supported his decision to donate sperm on a limited basis. He had already helped create nine families and seemed to take great care in selecting the women he donated to. We talked about our preferences for how his relationship with the child would work, and he made it clear that he was not interested in meeting the child until they turned 18. He would, however, accept and respond to letters from the child before then.
We also discussed important issues, such as what would happen if I were to pass away. Would he fight for custody against my family? He assured me that he would not. With all of these details in place, we crafted a donor-recipient contract and decided to move forward with our plans.
Ben consistently met with me three days a month around my ovulation. I would take the train to his apartment, and he would provide a sample in a menstrual cup, which I would then insert in the ladies' room. After 12 cycles, it became clear that this method was not working, and Ben generously agreed to help me with IVF.
The process involved weeks of hormone injections to stimulate my eggs to mature. On the day of the egg retrieval, I was sedated while doctors extracted the eggs from my ovaries with a fine needle. Ben simply had to provide a fresh sperm sample about 30 minutes before the procedure. The doctors then injected a sperm into each egg, hoping for fertilization and a successful pregnancy.
After my second embryo transfer, I was thrilled to find out that I was pregnant. It was a long and difficult journey, but with Ben's help, I finally became a mother. I will forever be grateful to him and the selfless act of donating his sperm to help create my family.
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