July 10th 2024.
As I stood at the podium in January, about to read a poem at my mother's funeral, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness and grief wash over me. The room was filled with people, and the thought of speaking in front of them while also mourning my mother was daunting. But as I looked out into the crowd, my eyes landed on my two sisters who were whispering behind their hands. It was a scene that made me feel a thousand times worse.
Growing up in Essex with my two older sisters and one younger, we were a normal family. Of course, we had our fair share of arguments like any siblings, but we always got along well. After leaving home, we all lived close by and our children were similar in age, so we often passed down clothes and went on fun outings together. They were like a supportive group of friends, just a short bus ride away.
However, things started to change in the early 80s when our father passed away. I was devastated and threw myself into helping my mother with DIY tasks, hoping to fill the void of my father's absence. It was during this time that I began to realize how different my sisters and I were. But despite our differences, I believed that we should all support our mother during this difficult time. However, my sisters didn't share the same sentiment. While one of them moved in with her, the other two continued on with their lives as usual.
A few years later, my mother remarried someone I didn't particularly like, and it seemed that he didn't like me either. But I was happy that my mother had found some companionship. Unfortunately, less than 10 years into their marriage, he passed away. Once again, I wanted to be there for my mother during her time of grief, but this was the beginning of the end for my relationship with my sisters.
I suggested we take my mother on a holiday to Ibiza, renting a house so she wouldn't be alone in a hotel. My sisters agreed, but then they went ahead and booked a hotel anyway. Throughout the trip, they didn't spend much time with our mother and instead, they talked behind her back. I couldn't take it anymore and firmly told them to stop, but then they turned on me. They didn't speak to me for the rest of the holiday, and unfortunately, neither did my mother. She believed their lies and thought I was being mean.
When we returned home, none of them talked to me for a whole year. They ignored my texts, and my mother always took their side. No one made an effort to bring me back into the family. Eventually, we started talking again, but it didn't last long. When I tried to help organize my mother's 80th birthday party, things went wrong again. I wanted her to have a wonderful time, so I asked my sisters to plan the party together, but they didn't. By the time I returned from my six-week trip to Asia, they had already planned everything without me. At the party, my sisters completely ignored me, and for the next 15 years, they continued to do so.
My mother insisted that I apologize to them, but I had no idea what I had done wrong. I felt helpless, being outnumbered by my three sisters. Eventually, it was like my mother and sisters had put me in a separate box, and I would only visit my mother when my sisters weren't around. I would take her shopping, to the seaside, and on holidays, things that none of my sisters did for her.
A few years ago, my eldest sister created a WhatsApp group, suggesting that we sort out our estrangement. However, nothing got resolved, but I agreed to join the group because I wanted to stay informed about my mother's health as she was getting older. When my mother was eventually taken into care, one of my sisters had stopped speaking to her entirely, and only three of us were left to visit her. But even then, we still had issues.
I was away when my mother was taken to a council-run care home, and upon my return, I visited her. It was a terrible place, and my mother absolutely hated it there. I couldn't help but think that none of my sisters had even bothered to check out the home before sending our mother there. It was just another example of how they had disregarded her well-being.
The author's sisters were whispering to each other behind their hands while she stood at the podium, ready to read her poem at her mother's funeral. She was already nervous about speaking in front of a large crowd while grieving, but seeing her sisters whispering made her feel even worse. It wasn't a surprise, as they had not wanted anything to do with her for years. The author had two older sisters and one younger and they had a normal family dynamic while growing up in Essex. However, after they all left home, their relationships changed.
Their children were all similar ages, so they would often pass along outgrown clothes and go on outings together. It was like having a supportive group of friends nearby. But when their father passed away in the early 80s, the author was devastated. She threw herself into helping her mother with DIY tasks, feeling the need to fill the void left by her father's passing. It was during this time that she began to realize how different she and her sisters were.
When their mother remarried a few years later, the author didn't particularly like her new stepfather, but she was happy her mother had someone to keep her company. Unfortunately, less than 10 years later, he also passed away. The author wanted to support her mother through her loss, but this caused a rift between her and her sisters. They didn't agree on how to support their mother and this led to the breakdown of their relationship.
The author suggested they take their mother on holiday to Ibiza and rent a house so she wouldn't be alone in a hotel room. Her sisters agreed, but then they went behind her back and booked a hotel anyway. During the holiday, her sisters spent their time gossiping and badmouthing their mother. When the author confronted them, they turned on her and refused to speak to her for the remainder of the trip. This caused their mother to side with them and ignore the author as well.
After the holiday, none of her family members spoke to her for a year. They ignored her texts and her mother always took her sisters' side. Eventually, they started talking again, but their relationship was never the same. It all came to a head when the author tried to help organize their mother's 80th birthday party. She wanted it to be a special event and asked her sisters to plan it together, but she was going away on a trip and gave them her email to contact her. They never did and planned the party without her. At the party, her sisters completely ignored her and this pattern continued for 15 years.
Their mother would insist that the author apologize to her sisters, but she didn't understand what she had done wrong. She felt like she was separated from her three sisters and would only visit her mother when they weren't there. She would take her on outings and trips, while her sisters did not. A few years ago, her eldest sister tried to reconcile by creating a WhatsApp group, but nothing was resolved. The author only agreed to be part of the group because her mother was getting older and she wanted to be kept in the loop.
When their mother was eventually taken into a care home, one of her sisters had stopped talking to her completely. The author visited her mother, but the home was not a good environment and her mother hated it. She couldn't help but think that none of her sisters had checked out the home before moving her mother there. Despite all of the issues and estrangement, the author still cared for her mother and wanted what was best for her.
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