My approach to reading and synthesizing lessons is to take notes of the ideas that resonate the most and write about them over the course of a few weeks. I broke tradition with “The Courage to be Disliked” with a daily series of sorts over the past week or so.
As I shared a few times, I found the book to be revelatory. In retrospect, it is because it unified ideas that have resonated strongly with me under one roof. Adler’s approach is at the heart of the many powerful ideas that have changed my life and that I’ve shared on this blog over the years.
While I’ve shared excerpts over the past week, I thought I’d bring it all together into a 7 point summary –
(1) The overarching theme in Alfred Adler’s approach is that “life is simple.” By this, his philosophy asserts that freedom, happiness, and meaning are all within reach. We don’t need to over complicate this. Our problems are not one of ability but of courage.
(2) You have the means to choose your life path. You’re not controlled by your past, trauma, or environment — only by the meaning you assign to them. You are free to choose goals that help you go where you want to go.
(3) All problems are interpersonal problems – use problems as a trigger for growth. Most of our issues — anxiety, anger, insecurity — come from how we relate to others. We typically react by over-compensating for what we think we lack with bouts of inferiority or superiority. Use such moments as a trigger to strive for learning and growth.
(4) Freedom arrives when we summon the courage to be disliked. You must be willing to live by your values, even if others don’t like it.
(5) Cultivate “horizontal relationships” and embrace “separation of tasks.” Vertical relationships assume someone is in a position of relative authority or power. They typically involve attempts to control the other person.
Horizontal relationships involve mutual respect and a focus on controlling ourselves – including accepting our normal self. Horizontal relationships thrive on a “separation of tasks” – where we do what’s in our control and empower others to do what’s in their control. We can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink.
(6) Happiness comes from contribution. Not from being praised or special, but from feeling useful to others and connected – this is described as community feeling or “Gemeinschaftsgefühl“.
(7) We keep life simple by keeping a bright spotlight on the present. When we’re on stage and see a bright spotlight, we can’t see much else. If we have dim lights on the other hand, we will be able to look beyond what’s around us and attempt to see our past and present.
Do the best you can with what you have where you are.
