The author is content with not knowing if their mother has passed away.

As I sat in my mother's beautifully maintained garden on a warm summer day, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. The vibrant pink roses and the fragrant herbs swaying in the breeze should have brought me peace, but my mother's constant nagging had become too much to bear. It seemed as though no matter how much I visited, it was never enough for her. And to make matters worse, she would always find a way to criticize my brother, who had always been my rock.

But on this particular day, my mother's criticism turned towards my daughters, and I couldn't take it anymore. I stormed out of her garden and made a promise to myself that I would never speak to her again. And I have kept that promise. It's not an easy decision to cut off ties with a parent, but after years of enduring her constant negative remarks and hurtful behavior, I knew it was the only way to find peace.

My parents divorced when I was just five years old, and my mother spent years badmouthing my father, whom I adored. She would often belittle him and imply that my brother and I should not have a relationship with him. Meanwhile, she prioritized her own social life, often leaving us home alone on the weekends with some beer and Babycham. As a young teenager, I thought this was normal, but as I grew older, I began to see my mother's behavior for what it truly was.

I felt like she didn't know me at all and had no interest in getting to know me. And when I tried to create some distance in early adulthood, she would berate me for not staying in touch. I never felt like I could tell her that I didn't want to speak to her, as it seemed like something that was not acceptable to do with a parent. She never provided any guidance or support in my life, and I often envied my friends' mothers who were loving and supportive.

But when I got married and had my own children, my mother surprised me by becoming a doting grandmother. She seemed genuinely happy to spend time with my kids and showered them with gifts and outings. This led to me spending more time with her, but even then, she showed no interest in me as a person. It was a bittersweet experience for me, as I was glad my daughters had a loving grandmother, but it also made me wonder why my mother couldn't show the same affection towards me and my brother.

Years went by, and my mother eventually remarried a man who was just like her. Together, they would often show up unannounced at my house and criticize me for not visiting enough. And when I did invite them for family meals, they would ruin the day with their negative comments. But it was her husband's behavior that pushed me over the edge. He expected me, as the daughter, to take care of my mother and became angry when I couldn't fulfill his expectations. I finally reached my breaking point and made the difficult decision to cut off all contact with them.

Looking back, I wish I had made this decision sooner. I have never felt happier or more free than I do now without my mother in my life. It was always a source of stress and anxiety for me, trying to please her and never feeling good enough. But now, I can be myself without fear of judgment, and I have gained so much confidence since cutting ties.

Of course, there have been moments of guilt over the years, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that life is too short to constantly seek approval from someone who has never given me the love and support I needed. I've also tried to understand why my mother may have been the way she was. I know she had a difficult upbringing and perhaps motherhood was not what she expected it to be. But ultimately, I have accepted that I may not know when she passes away, and I am at peace with that.

The mere thought of speaking to my mother and her husband again brings me great anxiety. But I have come to understand that we don't owe anyone anything, and relationships are a two-way street. I have learned that it's important to prioritize my own well-being and happiness, and I am finally doing that by putting myself first. If you have experienced estrangement in your own life, you know that it's not a one-size-fits-all situation. It's a personal decision that can be difficult but ultimately necessary for our own well-being. And if you have a story to share, we would love to hear from you. Just email jess@email to share your experience.

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