June 9th 2024.
When I first heard the term "tomboy" as a child, I didn't think much of it. But as I grew up and entered adolescence, I realized it didn't fully capture who I was. My emotions were complex and couldn't be explained with just one word. As I entered my late teens, I became angry with the world and with myself. It was difficult to live with these conflicting feelings, and I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself.
In my twenties, I turned to books, plays, and films in search of representation for women attracted to other women. However, in the early 70s, it seemed like every story I stumbled upon had a sad ending. Even when I looked to history, I couldn't find anyone to relate to. Sappho, a renowned lesbian poet, was rumored to have taken her own life because of a man. And the only reason lesbians weren't punished like gay men was because Queen Victoria didn't believe we existed.
Under these circumstances, it's no surprise that lesbian women were secretive about their sexuality. It was a matter of survival. So I confided in my school friends, but they offered no advice. We were an eclectic and bohemian bunch, but lesbianism wasn't something we talked about.
Even at drama school, where I expected to meet other gay women, I was disappointed. I became close friends with a gay man, but the gay women were nowhere to be found. It felt like I was all alone in my struggle.
Eventually, I confided in my closest friends, but they had no solution either. I knew there were other gay women out there, but I couldn't seem to find them. It was the early 80s, and being open about one's sexuality meant facing incredible stigma. Most lesbians chose to be discreet, but I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
One night, I decided to go to the famous lesbian club, Gateways, wearing my best Liberty print dress and highest heels. However, they didn't believe I was gay and wouldn't let me in. It was a frustrating and disheartening experience.
But eventually, I did meet other lesbians. I entered a long-term relationship and was determined to make it work after spending so much time searching for someone. I was scared of losing it, but sadly, it ended.
My second relationship was different. It was calm and comfortable, and even though it didn't work out, we remained close friends. Throughout this time, my parents were always welcoming to whomever I was with. My mother would reassure me that a "nice man" would come along, but deep down, I knew that wasn't what I wanted.
Then, I met Trilby, 27 years ago. She had never been in a relationship with a woman before, and it was a difficult journey for both of us. But there was an instant and undeniable attraction between us. We are soulmates, connected by an invisible umbilical cord. Our relationship isn't always smooth sailing, but we always work through our problems together.
It wasn't until I was 42 that I finally came out to my parents. Surprisingly, they were not shocked at all. Our families love us together, and Trilby made the wait to find my other half worthwhile.
To anyone considering coming out, I want to say this: never be afraid of who you are. The people who truly love you will support you no matter what. And if you have a story to share, whether it's about a soap or anything else, we'd love to hear from you. Join the community by leaving a comment below and stay updated on all things soaps on our homepage.
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