Separate bedrooms improve relationship, according to couple.

We are still attracted to each other. A great deal.

February 16th 2024.

Separate bedrooms improve relationship, according to couple.
My eyes slowly open as I stretch luxuriously in clean, crisp, white linen sheets. Ah, the start of a new day. I take a moment to relish in the quiet stillness, feeling completely refreshed after a solid eight hours of sleep. And the cherry on top? The happy knowledge that my wonderful husband Kevin will soon be bringing me a hot cup of tea in bed.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm staying in a luxurious hotel, about to ring room service. Or perhaps I'm on a business trip or a solo retreat. But the truth is, I'm in the comfort of my own home, in my own bed, and my caring husband will be making his way from his bedroom across the landing to bring me my morning tea. Yes, we are one of those couples who sleep in separate bedrooms. But before you judge or assume that our marriage is on the rocks or that we're not intimate, let me assure you that we are actually one of the happiest couples we know. And we're not alone in our sleeping arrangements.

According to the National Bed Federation, the trend of "sleep divorce" is on the rise, with nearly one in six couples choosing to sleep separately in 2020. And 89% of those couples have separate bedrooms. My bedroom is my sanctuary, my peaceful haven where I can unwind and recharge. And many couples are starting to see the benefits of having their own personal space for sleeping.

But how did Kevin and I end up here, you may wonder? Well, when we first met in 2002, we were both divorced and had gotten used to having our own space, especially our own beds. We fell madly in love, our sex life was incredible, and we bonded over everything. We knew we were meant to be together. The only problem was, we didn't sleep well together. Kevin snored and was always hot, while I was a restless sleeper who often pushed him out of bed in my sleep. Needless to say, we were both exhausted and irritable in the mornings.

So, we made the decision to sleep in separate bedrooms. It was a sad day when Kevin moved to the sofa with our dog, but I was too old to conform to society's expectations of a couple who snuggles all night long. And there were no hard feelings, as Kevin felt the same way. When we got married in 2006, we even honeymooned in separate rooms in our new campervan, as we quickly learned that sharing a small space was not for us.

We eventually bought a four-bedroom house, with me naturally claiming the largest bedroom. I decorated it in calming, neutral tones and treated myself to a luxurious brass bed and white linen bedding. Meanwhile, Kevin's bedroom is a teenage boy's dream, with bland bedding, stereos, guitars, and a collection of random items scattered on his bedside table. But I barely step foot in there, as my bedroom is where all the action happens. And let me tell you, Kevin and I are holding our own when it comes to our love life.

As retired individuals, we have the luxury of spending a rainy afternoon in bed together, which is absolute bliss. And at 56 and 62 years old, we still have a strong sexual connection and are at it like elderly rabbits. Our separate bedrooms have only strengthened our relationship, as we are well-rested and not constantly bickering. We still fancy each other a lot, and that's all that matters.

But as we've gotten older, the reasons for sleeping separately have changed. Kevin now has kidney cancer and has lost a lot of weight, making him constantly cold and no longer snoring. Meanwhile, I am going through menopause and am always hot, which has caused me to gain weight and start snoring. It's almost ironic, isn't it?

We do struggle with holidays and hotels, as we are forced to share a bed. But we've found ways to cope, such as getting drunk and passing out, which is not the most ideal solution. And let's just say, we have a funny story involving a drunken Kevin mistaking the hotel corridor for the toilet. Needless to say, we never returned to that hotel again.

We don't openly share our sleeping arrangements with everyone, but it does come up in conversation from time to time. And sometimes, we have overnight guests and it's best to warn them beforehand that we'll all be going our separate ways from the landing area. Some people are fascinated by our arrangement, while others are condescending. But at the end of the day, it's our personal choice and it works for us.

I've stopped defending our sex life, as there's nothing to defend. We are happy and in love, and that's the most important thing. And I know a few other couples who have also chosen to sleep separately, and good for them! It's no one else's business. So, if you're considering separate bedrooms, don't worry about what others may think. Do what's best for you and your relationship.

One thing I will suggest, though, is to invest in a small bell for your bedside table. That way, you can ring for your partner once you're awake and ready for that morning cup of tea. It's a small gesture, but it's the little things like that which make our marriage so special. Kevin may not be the perfect bed partner, but he's the perfect husband for me. And that's all that matters. So here's to happy sleeping for everyone! And if you have a story to share, don't hesitate to reach out. We'd love to hear from you.

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