December 29th 2024.
As a proud mother, I couldn't help but gush over my three-month-old baby, Havana, while scrolling through the comments on a TikTok post featuring her. But my joy turned to shock as I read a hurtful comment about her skin color from someone I didn't even know. It was like a sucker punch to my heart. How could someone stoop so low as to criticize a child's appearance, let alone my own child?
I couldn't stay silent. I had to speak up. So I posted a follow-up video, expressing my confusion and disappointment towards these types of comments. It's disheartening to see that even in this day and age, people still feel the need to make hurtful remarks about someone's skin color.
My husband, Neil, and I met in July 2022 and fell in love quickly. We didn't waste any time building a life together, and within a month of deciding to try for a baby, we found out we were expecting our little girl. We were over the moon. My pregnancy was a dream, and we even went on a babymoon to Bali in March 2023, where Neil surprised me with a romantic proposal.
Havana's arrival in October of that same year only added to the magic in our lives. She filled our hearts with love and joy. I never could have imagined that people would make vile remarks about her skin color. She was a beautiful and perfect baby, and as any new parents would, we were excited to share glimpses of her with the world. At first, the feedback was positive and celebratory, but then I received my first negative comment when she was just a month old.
It hit me hard. I've developed a thick skin when it comes to social media, but this comment cut deep. And unfortunately, it was just the beginning. I received a barrage of ignorant and hurtful messages, ranging from blatantly abusive to veiled in faux curiosity. It broke me to see people talking about my daughter and judging her, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Even with filters in place, some of these comments still made their way to me. What's even more shocking is that some of these comments come from people who otherwise leave positive or conversational messages, almost as if adding a casual "x" at the end of their comment makes it okay. The casual racism is harder to stomach than the outright abuse. At least the trolls are upfront about their hate.
What's even more disturbing is the normalization of these comments. How has society sunk so low that innocent children are fair game for such cruelty? As a mother, it breaks my heart to see my daughter being judged for something as superficial as her skin color. I don't want her to grow up in a world where that's the first thing people notice about her. I want her to know that she is perfect just the way she is, and her uniqueness should be celebrated, not critiqued.
As a multiracial family, we often face certain expectations and assumptions from others. People assume that because I'm a Black woman, my daughter should look a certain way or share my complexion. But genetics are complex, and every child is different. We need to break free from these outdated ideas and embrace the beauty in diversity.
More importantly, we need to understand that our words have consequences. Whether intentional or not, hurtful comments can leave a lasting impact. It costs nothing to be kind, and it can make all the difference. I hope that by sharing my experience, I can encourage others to think twice before they speak or type. And most importantly, I hope that Havana grows up in a kinder, more understanding world where she is valued for who she is, not the color of her skin.
Do you have a similar experience to share? I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at James.email. Let's continue this conversation and spread awareness about the harm of casual racism. And remember to spread love and kindness, because it can make all the difference in someone's life.
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