May 12th 2024.
Peter Jenkins has dedicated almost 30 years of his life as a palliative care nurse, and this has provided him with invaluable insight about both death and life. It's a commonly held belief that the thought of dying can really put things into perspective and make us reflect on what truly matters and perhaps even the missed opportunities in our lives. According to Jenkins, it's quite common for his patients to make statements such as "I wish I had done this" or "I regret not doing that". He works in aged care homes and community settings in Canberra and has had the privilege of hearing these regrets firsthand.
Jenkins has noticed that most of these regrets are connected to people or loved ones. He says, "It's generally about people. It's about wishing they had told their wife, daughter, or husband how much they loved them. Or maybe they regret not taking a chance and asking someone out when they were younger, because it could have changed their life." Fear is another common theme that Jenkins has observed in his patients. Many of them reflect on how their fears had held them back from doing things they truly wanted to do. They regret not dancing more, singing in a choir, or pursuing their passions because they didn't think they were good enough.
As a palliative care nurse, Jenkins has had the honor of caring for countless patients in their final weeks. Along with another nurse, he has shared the wisdom he has gained from this job as part of National Palliative Care Week, which starts on May 19. One thing that Jenkins believes is undeniable about working in this field is that it has made him acutely aware of the fleeting nature of life. He states, "Life is finite, and death is inevitable. It forces you to acknowledge your own mortality, and I don't think you can do this job unless you're comfortable with that. I don't know when I'm going to die, but the more we talk and think about death, the less scary it becomes."
Part of Jenkins' role as a palliative care nurse is to help friends and family members of his patients navigate the process of saying goodbye. He has noticed that people are often hesitant to discuss death with their loved ones, but he believes that it can be helpful if they are open and honest about it. Jenkins says, "They don't want to upset them, but it's important for people to feel heard. They want to be heard. In my experience, I can't remember the last time someone who was dying refused to talk about it when I brought it up. We just need to listen, truly listen. This is something we struggle with in general, but sometimes all it takes is holding space for someone."
Jenkins has found that it's often children who are the best at breaking the ice and bringing up these difficult conversations. He says, "Kids are amazing. They don't have the same hang-ups about death that we develop as we get older." He recalls a six-year-old once asking his grandfather, "What do you think will happen when you're in the coffin underground and the worms are there?" The grandfather responded, "Let's talk about it. What do you think will happen?"
Over the years, Jenkins has witnessed what he considers to be many "good" deaths. Contrary to what one might expect, he has found that humor and joy are often present in these moments. He shares, "I've seen families gather in their loved one's room, ordering pizza and playing their favorite music while sharing happy memories. I think that's a beautiful way to pass away." In another instance, Jenkins recalls a patient who was a winemaker in his 70s. His family decanted a bottle of vintage wine that he had made and shared it with everyone. They even used the same wine to moisten the patient's mouth with an oral swab. Jenkins says, "That was probably the last thing he tasted."
Kat Hooper has been a palliative care nurse in Queensland for 13 years. She specializes in working with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people and has seen many changes in the field over the past decade. This includes the introduction of voluntary assisted dying laws and the use of medicinal cannabis. Recently, challenges have arisen from dealing with international shortages of painkiller medications. Hooper believes that planning for end-of-life is something that people often put off, but it can lead to a meaningful experience if done properly. For First Nations people, this often means connecting with their ancestral land. Hooper shares, "I've had patients who have their saltwater from their lands running through a water feature in their room. We've had pictures of their Country on the walls, or their family fishing with their totem, the barramundi."
Working in palliative care has given Hooper a deep appreciation for the preciousness of life. She states, "No moment is promised." The connections she has built with her patients often have a profound impact on her. She recalls moments where she has been in the shower and suddenly felt a thought that one of her patients has passed away. She says, "It may sound crazy, but I'll have this feeling of someone saying 'thank you' to me. Then I'll get out of the shower and receive a page that the person has passed."
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