July 12th 2023.
It's something no child should ever have to go through - the kind of experience that can leave you feeling lost and alone. As a young girl, I was asked this question time and time again by family, friends, and strangers: "Who is the mother and who is the daughter in this relationship?"
For me, the answer wasn't always clear. My mother was an alcoholic and I was forced to take responsibility for her wellbeing as a child, forgoing my own childhood in the process. When my 11th birthday came around, my parents split and my mother moved us to a small village in southwest England. That's when the real problems began.
I saw my father on and off, usually when my mother wanted some sort of maintenance money. She drank most days and so our roles were reversed - I was the one making sure I was eating, had clean clothes, and got myself to school. She never seemed to bother about any of that.
I would get calls during the school day to come and pick her up because she was too drunk to look after herself. She was also violent towards me and I was verbally and physically abused by her. I was just a normal kid, but she would beat me for seemingly trivial things, like getting into trouble in class.
On one hand, I wanted her out of my life, but on the other, she was still my mother and I felt a misguided sense of duty towards her. It was more than any child should ever have to endure, so I resorted to skipping school and drinking in the park to numb the pain.
Things got worse when I turned 12. I met an older man through a friend of mine and he began to sexually abuse me. My mother knew what was going on, and instead of intervening, she would make comments like "you're the one prostituting yourself". She chose to ignore what was happening because he was giving me money - money that she took from me to buy alcohol.
By the time I was 14, I was doing drugs and getting into all sorts of trouble. I was slowly becoming like my mother. Then, when I was 15, I began to fight back. I was sick of feeling so worthless and so I started to take control of my life.
Friends suggested that I needed to break away from my mother in order to make anything of my life. In the end, my mother kicked me out of the house after a huge argument. I had nowhere else to go, so I ended up sofa surfing with friends or, worse, sleeping in parks.
When I turned 18, I moved into a women's hostel and started to make something of my life. I got a job in nightclubs and eventually moved onto a job in a shop. I was starting to make a life for myself.
When my sister was born a couple of years later, I was again reminded of my mother and I was afraid that my sister would experience the same suffering. I kept contact to a minimum and only ever spoke to her about my sister. My sister spent a lot of time in and out of foster care, so having a relationship with her was difficult.
Around the same time, I met my now-husband who came from a stable background and was a positive influence on me. He helped me to make a home for myself and to finally settle down. With his support, I was able to acknowledge the trauma of my past and to move on with my life.
It was more than any child should ever have to put up with - I was forced to take care of the one person that should have been taking care of me. When my parents split on my eleventh birthday, my mother moved us to a small village in southwest England and the real problems started.
My mother drank every day and I became the one to make sure I had food, clean clothes, and got myself to school. I was often called home from school to take care of her because she was too drunk to do so. On top of that, she was violent towards me, battering me for trivial things.
I wanted her out of my life, but at the same time, she was my mother and I felt obligated to take care of her. I resorted to skipping school, drinking in the park, and doing drugs in order to numb the pain.
Things got worse when I met an older man through a peer and he began sexually abusing me. My mother knew what was happening, but she wouldn't do anything to stop it. Instead, she would take the money he was giving me and use it for her own drinking.
At 15, I had enough. I was sick of feeling worthless and I was determined to make something of my life. I fought back, and after a huge argument with my mother, she kicked me out of the house. I had nowhere to go and spent a few years sofa surfing and sleeping in parks.
When I turned 18, I moved into a women’s hostel and got a job in a nightclub. I finally felt like my life was turning around.
A couple of years later, my sister was born and I was reminded of the pain my mother put me through. I wanted to have a relationship with my sister, but since she was moved around in foster care, it was hard to get close.
At the same time, I met my now-husband who came from a stable background and was a good influence on me. With his help, I got a job in a shop and was able to settle down and make a home for myself.
Finally, I was able to break free from my mother's cycle of addiction and abuse. I kept any contact to a minimum and focused on getting my life together. After all the struggles, I was able to build a future for myself.
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