April 5th 2024.
I can't help but chuckle when I think back on the mishaps I've encountered in the bedroom. It's a good thing I can laugh about them now because at the time, they were anything but funny. I remember one incident in particular that still makes me cringe.
In the midst of some passionate lovemaking, my partner suggested we try spicing things up with a purple clitoral 'bullet' vibrator. I was all for it, until seconds into the play, disaster struck. Due to an excess of lubricant, the vibrator ended up slipping and getting stuck in my, ahem, bottom.
Initially, my partner thought it had simply fallen on the bed, but I knew better. As I felt my coccyx vibrating, all I could think about was whether this would become one of those funny stories doctors tell each other, or worse, if the toy would disappear further into my body.
I was in my early 20s at the time and I was mortified. The embarrassment stuck with me for years and I only shared the details with a select few friends. But I'm sharing it now because it's important to talk about these things. I've come to realize that sex toy mishaps are more common than we think and by sharing our experiences, we can learn from each other and even have a laugh about it.
A study by Lovehoney found that one in three Brits have experienced a sex injury, from carpet burn to bruises and pulled muscles. But I'm willing to bet that the real number is much higher because let's face it, not many people are comfortable discussing these things. It's time to remove the stigma and accept that sex isn't always perfect.
While the incident with the vibrator may be the most dramatic example, I've had plenty of other things go wrong in the bedroom. Like the time my partner and I engaged in some foreplay after he had cooked dinner, which happened to include multiple chillies. Let's just say it took a while for my poor vulva and vagina to cool down from the heat.
Then there was the time an ex-boyfriend surprised me with a pair of silver handcuffs. It was a fantasy of mine, but things quickly took a turn when, in the heat of the moment, he accidentally tightened the cuffs too much and the lock jammed. It was a painful and panic-inducing experience, to say the least.
But I don't want to scare you. These things happen and it's okay. While these incidents may have been slightly traumatizing, I didn't let them stop me from experimenting in the future. Because let's be real, sex can be amazing and sex toys are meant to enhance and explore pleasure, as long as they are used correctly.
You won't catch me putting a clitoral stimulator anywhere near my bum again, but that doesn't mean I'm going to shy away from using toys as they are intended. In fact, these trials and tribulations have taught me valuable lessons. For instance, after the handcuffs incident, I discovered that I prefer silk rope instead. Lesson learned.
If you've experienced an embarrassing sex mishap, don't let it ruin your good time. It's natural to feel a bit scared afterwards, but don't let it hold you back. Experimentation is the only way to find out what you like, and sometimes that means taking the bad with the good.
The best way to prevent these mishaps may not be the most exciting, but it's effective. Read product instructions, do some research before trying something new, and consider asking a professional for advice. And if something does go wrong, don't be afraid to seek help from a doctor. Trust me, they have seen it all before.
As for the unfortunate incident with the vibrator, my partner offered to help "dig" it out, but the thought of him doing that or even watching me attempt it was too much for me to handle. So, with a lump in my throat, I ran to the bathroom. Thankfully, after a few minutes of praying to the gods of gravity, the toy came out on its own.
Physically, I was fine and although it was a stressful situation, I don't look at sex toys with fear. In fact, I can now laugh openly at my disastrous experiences. But a word of caution, when you're feeling frisky and reach for your goodie drawer, take a moment to think about staying safe. Trust me, you'll thank me later.
Do you have a similar story to share? I'd love to hear it. Share your experiences by emailing me at jess.email. And don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments below.
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