June 14th 2024.
It's a common sentiment to feel like something is missing in life when you don't have a partner to share it with. That's how I felt when I saw Ryan Spencer's emotional TikTok video about wanting to find someone special. It takes courage to be vulnerable and admit that you feel lonely or long for love, and it's not something to be taken lightly.
As someone who has also experienced my fair share of dating disappointments over the past seven years, I know all too well the nights spent wondering if I'll be alone forever. The pain of rejection and failed relationships can be just as raw as a physical wound. But in those moments, there was one thing that helped me get through it all: sex.
Now, hold on, don't jump to conclusions. Let me explain. After a particularly painful breakup, I, like many others, thought the best way to move on was to find someone else to spend my time with. In other words, I tried to heal my broken heart with a little physical intimacy.
One of my more memorable lovers was a sexy neighbor who lived just around the corner from me. It was convenient, and I'll admit, the physical connection helped to ease my sadness for a while. But in the end, it didn't work out. However, it was a good distraction for a time.
But not all of my attempts at finding solace through sex were successful. I once slept with a guy who failed to mention that he still lived with his parents. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning and ran into his mom in the hallway, looking like I just rolled out of bed (which, technically, I had). It was a bit awkward, to say the least.
In the years that followed, I went through all the usual dating ups and downs. I was ghosted, lied to, and had short flings that I hoped would turn into something more. But, as is often the case, they didn't. And I'll admit, I also broke a few hearts along the way.
But eventually, I realized that while I couldn't control the outcome of my dates, I could make choices about my sex life. And that's a piece of advice I would give to Ryan Spencer and anyone else feeling discouraged about finding love. Dating can be a confidence killer, but sex and embracing my sexuality helped me to reclaim some of that power.
Of course, it wasn't all smooth sailing. There were a few awkward and uncomfortable encounters with people who didn't treat me with the respect I deserved. But there were also moments of pure pleasure and exploration, as I ticked items off my sexual bucket list.
It may not have been Mr. Right knocking on my door, but Mr. Here To Give You An Orgasm definitely made his presence known. But let me be clear: I'm not saying you need to have sex to validate your single status. You don't need validation from anyone, and there's nothing wrong with being single.
But if you're open to it, sexual satisfaction can bring its own kind of fulfillment. Unfortunately, many people hold back from embracing their sexuality when they're single because of societal expectations and judgments. Women, in particular, are often discouraged from enjoying their bodies, while men are encouraged to explore and experiment.
I've even been told that no man would want to marry me because I'm too "promiscuous." It's a sexist and outdated belief that I refuse to accept. Being single is often viewed as something to endure until you find "The One," preferably before you turn 30. But that's a harmful narrative that needs to be thrown out.
Ironically, now that I'm in my 30s, I have conversations with friends who are older and tell me they wish they had been more adventurous when they were younger. Some of them feel like they missed out on certain sexual experiences because they've been in long-term relationships for so long.
In a relationship, there may be compromises and limitations on what you can explore sexually. For example, a friend of mine wants to have a threesome, but her partner isn't comfortable with the idea. That's why being single can be a great time to explore and experiment without any restrictions.
Now, I'm not saying that getting laid is the answer to everything. But if dating isn't serving you well right now, it might be worth trying a different approach. Or, you could take some time to focus on yourself and get to know your own body better through masturbation.
So if you're waiting for romantic love, there's no harm in having some fun and embracing your sexuality along the way. And if anyone tells you otherwise, just remember that it's your body and your choices, and you don't need anyone's validation.
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