George Clooney knew Matthew Perry – who played Chandler on Friends – when he was 16 years old. As they were both starting out on television together, Perry would say – “I just want to get on a regular sitcom and I would be the happiest man on earth.”
Reality couldn’t be more different. In Clooney’s words – “And he got on probably one of the best ever. He wasn’t happy. It didn’t bring him joy or happiness or peace.”
“And watching that go on on the lot — we were at Warner Brothers, we were there right next to each other — it was hard to watch because we didn’t know what was going through him.
We just knew that he wasn’t happy and I had no idea he was doing what, 12 Vicodin a day and all the stuff he talked about, all that heartbreaking stuff. And it also just tells you that success and money and all those things, it doesn’t just automatically bring you happiness. You have to be happy with yourself and your life.”
Reading this poignant note reminded me of a note from a Ryan Holliday post on money.
I’ve never met a person who ever reached ‘their number.’ You know, people say, ‘When I hit $Xm, I’ll be good.’ They say, ‘Once I have X years salary in the bank, I’ll be good.’ No one ever seems to get to that number. We’re never ‘good’ because we move the goalposts…(or because we set a preposterous and unrealistic number to begin with).
That, then, got me thinking about Ash Barty. Ashleigh Barty retired from women’s tennis as the world #1 – after winning 3 grand slams. She said this in her retirement video.
“Wimbledon last year changed a lot for me as a person and for me as an athlete. When you work so hard your whole life for one goal. To be able to win Wimbledon, which was my dream, the one true dream that I wanted in tennis, that really changed my perspective.”
“I know how much work it takes to bring the best out of yourself. I’ve said it to my team multiple times, it’s just I don’t have that in me anymore. I don’t have the physical drive, the emotional want, and everything it takes to challenge yourself at the very top of the level anymore, and I just know that I am spent. I just know physically, I have nothing more to give. That, for me, is success.”
Ash Barty’s note struck me as incredibly wise. She grew up wanting to win Wimbledon and likely the Australian Open (as an Australian). She did both and decided to move on to other things. She defined success in her own terms and didn’t move goalposts.
We all have goalposts. Sometimes, they are explicit and stated. Other times, they are implicit. Taking inspiration from Ash Barty, it is best to deal with them consciously.
Money and fame don’t automatically bring happiness or contentment. They often do the opposite. It is on us to define success for ourselves.
And then not move goalposts.
