Many women struggle to get their partners to listen.

Wife says leaving an unhappy marriage isn't easy; "it's not as simple as it seems."

June 27th 2023.

Many women struggle to get their partners to listen.
A woman has taken to Mumsnet to share her grievances about her marriage and the unequal division of labour. She believes most men are ‘useless’ when it comes to the 'family and domestic space' and that women are expected to do the majority of the housework and childcare.

The frustrated wife went on to say that all the women she knows are in the same boat. They are 'highly educated and in successful careers', yet they feel 'stitched up' by their private lives.

“We were told if we study hard and are in successful careers, we wouldn’t end up being slaves to our husbands and children,” she said.

This post resonated with many other women, some of whom agreed with the disgruntled mum. “I look at these amazing women and the men are mediocre. It’s depressing as f***,” one commented.

Other women however, disagreed. They said that the experience of their friends is far from what had been described. “I would say it is maybe one husband of 10 who is as you describe,” one said. “Mind you the women I know are all the higher earners with men who value them and their work.”

It's true that there are men who are pulling their weight and doing their fair share, however, they are not generally seen as the norm. Dave Hornby, a stay-at-home dad, told The Agency: “I see it time and time again: mums are frequently belittled at every opportunity when it comes to child-rearing, whereas dads are placed on a pedestal for doing the things they should be doing.”

A survey from 2019 found that women do more housework than men in 93% of British households. This means that the concerns raised by the Mumsnet user are valid, and that it's not always about physical tasks. “Even the women I know with ‘good’ husbands carry all the mental load,” one mum pointed out.

If you're in a similar situation, the first step is to communicate better with your partner. Dr Audrey Tang suggests using the SEAL prompts to ensure effective conversations: Strategise, Explain, Affirm and Lock-in or Lock-out.

Do you find a happy medium with your partner? Let us know in the comments below. If you have a story to share, get in touch by emailing email.

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