Making friends was a challenge until I made a small change.

It's funny how sometimes, the simplest things can make the biggest impact on our lives. For me, that thing was active listening. It all started last year when I decided to try something new. Little did I know, it would completely change my life.

Before, I used to feel so awkward talking to strangers. I would avoid conversations and just keep to myself. But then, something shifted. Mums at the school gate started engaging with me, I was getting more sales, and even the people at the local shop were striking up conversations with me. It was like a whole new world opened up. I felt more confident and at ease when talking to strangers.

And what was this magical new thing I was doing? It wasn't anything radical, just simply listening properly. I came across the term "active listening" while studying for my executive coaching qualification in October 2022. Essentially, it means fully engaging with the person who is talking to you. Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, you listen with the intent to understand the other person.

As someone who worked in sales, this seemed like a valuable skill to have. Before, I wasn't the best at sales. I would even go as far as to call myself an "ice queen." I had accepted that I was an introvert and that people just didn't warm up to me easily. I didn't strike up conversations with people on trains, and parents didn't usually talk to me at school events. But now, with active listening, all that has changed.

Even in my previous job as a radio journalist where I had to interview strangers, I always felt like I was putting on an act. It wasn't something I could keep up with. But now, with active listening, I don't have to put on a show. I can truly connect with people on a deeper level, and it has made all the difference.

I remember the first time I consciously used active listening in a sales call. I wrote "listen" on the top of my notepad in big letters and made a conscious effort to focus all my energy on the client. I listened more and talked less, giving the client plenty of time to think before responding. By the end of the call, I had barely said anything, but the client was excited to work with me. It was a completely different experience than any other sales call I had before.

But it wasn't just in sales where active listening made a difference. I started using it in other areas of my life, like with my family, shop workers, and even other parents at the school gate. And every time, I noticed the same effect - people instantly warmed up to me and started engaging in conversation.

Not only did my social life improve, but my work opportunities also increased. I was getting invited to collaborate and go on podcasts more often. It was like I had unlocked the secret to connecting with people and building genuine relationships.

I realized that active listening is a core skill that I use in my everyday life now. And even though I still consider myself an introvert, I find it easier to have conversations with strangers. But I do have to remind myself to hold back and give the other person space to think, especially before coaching sessions and sales calls.

I wish I had known about the power of active listening sooner. It's a skill that I believe should be taught to young people, especially in today's busy and distracted world. With smartphones and other devices constantly vying for our attention, it's important to remember the value of truly listening to one another.

The best part about active listening is that it's not just about impressing others, but about being open and really hearing them. It's about seeking understanding, not just giving our own opinions and views. And sometimes, we all just need someone to listen to us.

So, have you tried active listening in your conversations? It may take some practice, but I promise the difference it makes is truly transformative. And if you have a story to share about active listening, I would love to hear it. Let's keep the conversation going.

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