September 7th 2024.
No matter what she does, he just doesn't seem to be in the mood. Sex may not be the most important aspect of a relationship, but a lack of intimacy can be a deal breaker for many couples. It can leave you feeling insecure and questioning your worth, wondering if your partner still desires you or if you've done something to turn them off. This week, our reader in the Sex Column is facing a similar issue with her boyfriend of five years.
At first, their relationship seemed perfect, but as time has gone on, sex has become less and less frequent. While her boyfriend has never been particularly driven in the bedroom, it has reached a point where they hardly ever make love. She used to find his lack of sexual desire charming, but now she can't help but feel neglected and unattractive. They used to have sex a few times a week, but now it's a rarity. She's tried initiating, dressing seductively, and even using alcohol to get him in the mood, but nothing seems to work. She's at a loss, feeling like no matter what she does, he's just not interested.
Despite this issue, their relationship is otherwise strong. They share the same interests and sense of humor, making it difficult for her to imagine leaving him. But she also wants to start a family and worries about how they will ever have children if they never have sex.
As a counsellor and columnist, I can assure our reader that her boyfriend's lack of interest in sex is not a reflection of her attractiveness or worth. It's likely a deeper issue within him, such as hidden depression or other medical problems. I suggest that she urges him to see a doctor for a check-up, as this could potentially uncover the root cause of his low libido.
In the meantime, it's important for her to communicate her feelings to him in a non-confrontational way. By having an open and honest conversation, they may be able to uncover the underlying issues and work towards a solution together. It's also important for her to consider the possibility that her boyfriend may be questioning his sexuality or could be asexual. Seeking couples counseling or sex therapy could help them both understand and address these concerns.
Ultimately, if the issue cannot be resolved, it may mean that their relationship is not meant to be. A sexless relationship can only work if both partners are content with it, and it's clear that our reader wants more. It may be difficult, but if she truly wants children, she may need to move on from this relationship. Our expert, Laura, is always available to offer advice and support for any sex and dating dilemmas.
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