Is my partner actually part of the SAS or am I being deceived?

It's not uncommon to come across stories of people who deceive their partners by pretending to be someone they're not. From the infamous Tinder Swindler to the notorious Catfish, these tales have become a cautionary reminder to always be wary of who we trust in relationships. But what happens when the one who's lying to us is someone we truly care about?

This week, we received a letter from a reader who's been struggling with doubts about her boyfriend. He claims to be a member of the SAS, but his behavior has been leaving her feeling suspicious and questioning the authenticity of his claims. Her friends have also expressed concerns about his actions, but he dismisses their worries by accusing them of being jealous. Despite his reassurances, she can't seem to shake off the nagging feeling of doubt.

Before we dive into this week's dilemma, let's take a look at last week's story, where a man had second thoughts about marrying an older woman.
Now, let's get to the heart of the matter.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now, but things have been quite unpredictable due to his job in the SAS. He's often away with his unit, but sometimes he surprises me by showing up unexpectedly when he has free time. On other occasions, our plans get canceled at the last minute because he needs to go somewhere. It's hard for me to keep up, and I often have to cancel plans with my friends, which makes them upset.

But when we're together, we have an amazing time. Our chemistry is undeniable, and our sex life is out of this world. He talks about our future together, and I want to believe him because I love him deeply. He's always been honest with me about his job, but my friends are skeptical and question the validity of his stories. I've brought this up to him, but he dismisses their concerns by saying they're just envious. He's even shown me documents and uniforms to prove his identity. After all, someone has to be in the SAS, and why couldn't it be him?

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I'm not a naïve person, and I wouldn't waste my time with someone if I thought they were lying to me. But to ease my mind, I've tried to verify his claims, and it seems there's no way to do so without taking his word for it. He's never asked me for money, so I know he's not trying to scam me. But deep down, I have to admit that my friends might be onto something.

So, here's the advice - I think you know in your heart that your friends could be right. It's highly unlikely that this guy is who he claims to be. Think about it, if you were in MI5, Special Forces, or the Witness Protection Program, would you go around telling people you just met? These roles require utmost secrecy, and it's not like you can just do a background check on him. It's just not possible. Military documents can be easily forged, and anyone can buy uniforms online. I'm not saying he's trying to scam you out of your money, but his story does make for a great cover for someone who wants to disappear for long periods without having to explain themselves.

I know he may seem perfect - handsome, funny, and amazing in bed. But he's also a liar and a fantasist. Maybe he has underlying psychological issues that lead him to tell grandiose stories about himself, or maybe there's another partner in the picture. Either way, you should listen to your friends and let this man go.

Don't rush into another relationship right away. Take some time to work on yourself and your self-esteem. You may have been vulnerable when you fell for him, but you're stronger than that. Focus on your career, social life, or even seek therapy to build yourself up. When you meet someone new, you'll be in a better position to see through any lies or deceit.

Remember, Laura is always here to help and give expert advice. If you have a sex and dating dilemma, don't hesitate to send your problem to Laura's email. She's a counselor and a columnist who's dedicated to helping people like you.

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