February 15th 2024.
Love. It's a concept that has captured our hearts and minds since the beginning of time. The idea of falling in love, of finding that one special person who completes us, is something that we all long for. And I, like so many others, was no exception. I was caught up in the romance and excitement of it all, constantly seeking out new connections and potential matches.
It was during this time that I stumbled upon a series called "Solo" by The Agency, exploring the single life in 2024. As I read through the highs and lows of singlehood, I couldn't help but relate to the experiences shared. And as I sat on my date, smiling and chatting, I couldn't help but sneak a peek at my phone, where the Bumble app awaited with a new match.
You see, it wasn't that the date was going badly. My companion was sweet and interesting, but my mind was always elsewhere. I was always talking to multiple men at once, even while on a date. I was boy-crazy, infatuated with the idea of falling in love.
This fascination with love had been with me since childhood. I remember developing my first crush at the tender age of seven. He was the popular kid in school – handsome, athletic, and always the center of attention. For five years, he was the only boy I had eyes for. I even volunteered for the school council just because he did. It was no secret that I liked him, and I even wrote him a love letter on Valentine's Day when we were 12. But alas, my feelings were not reciprocated.
As I entered my teenage years, my obsession with boys and love only grew. I went to an all-girls secondary school, making boys even more desirable and unattainable. So when I went off to university, the options seemed endless – men were everywhere. And that's when my bad habits began to surface.
Whenever I liked someone, my priorities would become tangled up. I would drop everything to attend a party if I knew my latest crush would be there. I would spend hours planning my outfit and neglect my academic work. My schedule revolved around potential dates and relationships, and I didn't think twice about it.
But as I entered my early 20s, still without a boyfriend or any sexual experience, I started to feel a sense of desperation. I felt like I was missing out on all the fun and excitement that youth had to offer. And I was determined to change that. I had multiple dating apps on my phone, and I would spend hours swiping and messaging potential matches. But even with a date every week, things rarely progressed beyond that. I would either never hear back from the men, or I would see them with someone else. It shattered my self-confidence.
In a desperate search for validation, I even went on solo trips to Europe, hoping to meet someone special. And in each new place, I did find a man – but only for a brief fling. I lacked independence and confidence, and I was constantly chasing after love.
But then, in August 2023, I had a wake-up call. I was seeing a guy from a dating app, and after a few weeks, he admitted that he had stronger feelings for someone else. At first, I was upset, but then I realized that I had known all along that he wasn't the one. I had continued to pursue him because I was so eager to be in love. And that's when it hit me – I had spent most of my life seeking validation from men. I was so desperate to be loved that I would stay in unhealthy relationships, and I would be heartbroken when they ended.
But with this realization came a sense of clarity. I started to rekindle my neglected friendships and make more time for my female friends. And when we were together, I was more present and engaged than I had been in a long time. They reminded me that love can't be rushed or forced – it will come when it's meant to.
With this newfound self-awareness, I stopped going on dates that I knew were not going anywhere. I made sure my needs were heard, and I wasn't afraid to be honest about what I was looking for in a partner. And if I didn't hear back from a potential match, I didn't take it personally – it just wasn't meant to be.
I also started to take care of my boundaries and allowed myself to be vulnerable. I trusted my instincts and was honest on dates. I was kinder to myself and realized that wanting a relationship is nothing to be ashamed of.
I don't believe there is anything wrong with actively searching for love, but my obsession had become unhealthy. So for now, I have quit dating apps altogether. I know that I can practice my boundaries and honest communication with men in other areas of my life. And who knows, maybe in the future, I will turn to dating apps again. But for now, I am content with the slow life and focusing on loving myself.
Love will find me when it's meant to, and until then, I will channel that energy into loving myself. And I know that when I do find love, I will be so much better for it.
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