May 11th 2024.
Alyssa Grenfell, now 31 years old, made the bold decision to leave the Mormon church at the age of 23 and has never looked back. Growing up in a deeply religious family in Utah, Alyssa felt that the Mormon church was the only truth, as everyone she knew, including her parents and trusted leaders, believed in it. She found it difficult to question the beliefs and systems that she was raised in, but eventually, she found the courage to do so.
Being born into a family that was highly involved in the Mormon Church, Alyssa's ancestors can be traced back to the church's founding in 1830. Her father converted to Mormonism in his late teens, while her mother came from a line of devoted believers. In fact, the town of Porterville where they lived was named after her family. It was this strong family history that made Alyssa's decision to leave the church all the more significant.
In 2017, at the age of 23, Alyssa made the difficult choice to leave the Mormon church, a year and a half after her older sister had done the same. Along with her husband Jackson, who was also a devout Mormon, Alyssa left the church and their home in Utah to start a new life in Brooklyn, New York. She describes feeling like a "fish out of water" in the bustling city, but also experiencing a newfound sense of freedom and independence.
The Mormon church, officially known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, boasts a worldwide membership of over 17 million people. However, a study in 2022 found that a quarter of American Mormons had considered leaving the religion. Alyssa's decision to leave was not an easy one, but she had various reasons that motivated her, including her personal experiences with following God's teachings over her own instincts.
One aspect that Alyssa struggled with was the concept of "personal revelation" in the Mormon faith, which is how believers receive guidance and direction from God. She shares an example of feeling called to serve her Mormon mission in Italy, but instead being sent to Denver, Colorado. This conflicting experience made her question the validity of her personal revelations and the teachings of the church.
Another factor that led to her decision to leave was the controversial history of the Mormon church. Alyssa delved into its past and discovered unsettling truths about polygamy, racism, and homophobia. As her belief in Joseph Smith and God himself began to crumble, she knew it was time to leave.
Reflecting on her childhood, Alyssa also realized the damaging effects of the strict teachings around sex and relationships in the Mormon church. From a young age, she was given a pamphlet with rules about everything from dress and appearance to dating and paying tithing. She recalls feeling pressured to adhere to these strict guidelines, including abstaining from premarital sex, which was considered a grave sin.
Even after turning 16, when dating was allowed, Alyssa still felt immense anxiety and shame around the topic of sex. The church's teachings about saving yourself for marriage and the belief that premarital sex was "the sin next to murder" weighed heavily on her mind. She also shares how a Mormon video likened getting intimate with a boy to being on a raft next to a waterfall, with every action bringing you closer to the edge. This fear-inducing message only added to her anxiety and pressure.
Despite leaving the church, Alyssa still faced challenges as she adjusted to her new life. The strict rules and teachings of the Mormon church had been ingrained in her since childhood, and it took time to unlearn them. But she has no regrets about leaving and is grateful for the freedom and independence she has found. She hopes to inspire others who may be questioning their beliefs and encourages them to trust their own instincts rather than blindly following dogma.
At 23 years old, Alyssa made the bold decision to leave the Mormon church, and she hasn't looked back since. Growing up in a devoutly religious family in Utah, she always felt like the teachings of the church were unquestionable truths. Her parents, along with every trusted leader, believed in the strict doctrine of the Mormon Church, also known as "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."
Alyssa's father converted to Mormonism when he was a teenager, while her mother came from a long line of believers, with the town of Porterville even being named after them. "Through my mother, I have a strong line of Mormon ancestors, many of whom were polygamous," Alyssa explains. This history made her decision to leave the church at the age of 23 even more significant, although her older sister had already left a year and a half before.
After leaving the church and her hometown of Utah with her husband Jackson, who was also a devout Mormon, Alyssa started a new life in Brooklyn, New York. "I remember feeling like a fish out of water in New York City," she recalls. "I felt so guilty, but also so free, the first time I wore a tank top. Sipping a latte in a coffee shop, I was living a life I had never imagined for myself."
As of 2023, the worldwide membership of the Mormon Church is over 17 million people, but a study in 2022 found that a quarter of American Mormons have considered leaving the religion. For Alyssa, there were many reasons that motivated her to leave, but one of the main factors was the pressure to follow God's teachings over her own instincts.
In the Mormon faith, "personal revelation" is how God helps people know him and his son, learn and live the gospel, and endure in righteousness. Alyssa had received a personal revelation that she would serve her Mormon mission in Italy, but when she received her mission call, she was sent to the suburbs of Denver, Colorado instead. This was one of the many things that didn't sit right with Alyssa.
She also delved into the controversial history of the church, including polygamy, racism, and homophobia. "My belief in Joseph Smith and God Himself fell apart when I read about the reality of the founding of the church," Alyssa explains. "Joseph Smith started messing around with other women and didn't tell anyone. When he was found out, he revealed the doctrine of polygamy, claiming that God had commanded him to do so."
Since leaving the church, Alyssa has reflected on her strict upbringing and the teachings around sex and relationships. Like all Mormon youths, she was given the "Strength of Youth" pamphlet at the age of 12, which outlines all the expectations and forbidden behaviors for young followers. "The pamphlet covers everything from dress and appearance to media consumption, dating, and paying tithing," Alyssa recalls. "It's an entire pamphlet of rules that I spent a lot of time highlighting growing up."
One of the most well-known rules of the Mormon Church is their strict health code, which prohibits drugs, alcohol, and caffeine. "Mormons are most known for their stance on coffee, but it also includes no drugs or alcohol," Alyssa explains. "Caffeine is okay as long as it's not coffee." She also mentions the pressure to adhere to strict modesty standards, which include no tank tops or short shorts and only wearing knee-length shorts.
Alyssa also shares how dating and relationships were heavily monitored in the Mormon community. "There's no dating before the age of 16, and even then, there are a lot of guidelines," she says. "If I had a crush, I wouldn't tell my family because I knew I wasn't supposed to have romantic feelings. I would be teased and chided if I did."
Even after turning 16, Alyssa felt a lot of shame and anxiety around dating and relationships, as premarital sex is considered a grave sin in the Mormon Church. "I felt super anxious because it felt like I could potentially commit a sin next to murder if I went too far with a boy," she recalls. She also mentions a Mormon video that compares getting intimate with a boy to "floating on a raft next to a waterfall," with every act bringing you closer to the edge of the waterfall.
The strict teachings of the Mormon Church also extend to adults, with the rule being to only do what you would feel comfortable doing in front of your parents. Alyssa reflects on her childhood and the pressure to conform to the beliefs of the church, but she is grateful for the freedom she has found since leaving.
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