September 14th 2024.
My tea drinking habits were not a top priority for me at the moment. It all started with a little mishap involving some spilled yogurt. I was scrolling through a popular dating app when I came across a message from a guy named Rob. He made a joke about a photo of mine where I had yogurt in my hair. We hit it off instantly. Rob seemed like a fun and intelligent guy, and his job was very admirable. It made me think that he must be a kind and caring person. He was also a single father, which I was happy about because I love kids. And on top of that, he was my age! I was tired of being hit on by guys who could be my father's age.
We started messaging each other on WhatsApp and even exchanged voice notes. He had a lovely voice. Then he asked to speak on the phone. We talked for almost an hour and I started to feel excited. We made plans to meet in a week and continued to chat, getting to know each other even more. The only thing that gave me a bit of pause was Rob's old-fashioned way of speaking. I don't mean like "from the 1960s" old-fashioned, I mean medieval. Whenever he was frustrated, he would exclaim "Botheration!" He also had a tendency to call me "lady." It was a bit strange, but I decided to overlook it.
The day of our date, I was feeling a mix of nerves and excitement as I made my way to Rob's area of London. We had planned to meet at a fancy café. When we laid eyes on each other, I could feel the attraction between us. He was taller than me, which I liked. So far, so good. And for the first few hours, I thought Rob was amazing. He didn't use any of his old-fashioned language, which I was relieved about. He also seemed very compassionate and listened attentively as I opened up about my life.
I was so caught up in the moment that I wasn't really paying attention to how I was drinking my tea. I even spilled a bit on the table. But it was such a small thing that I didn't think much of it. Until Rob revealed that he had struggled with mental health issues. I empathized with him and felt comfortable enough to share details about my own traumatic upbringing. I told him about my physically violent and emotionally abusive late father. His response shocked and horrified me. He laughed and said, "Well, your dad wouldn't be very happy with the amount of tea you've spilled today, would he?!"
I wanted to end the date as soon as possible and get away from him. So I gulped down my tea and ironically spilled it again, which he found amusing. I had spent hours thinking we would start a relationship, but now I had to do the opposite. I told him that my borderline personality disorder made it difficult for me to have a serious relationship. While this was true, I only said it to push him away.
I even suggested that we could be friends because I didn't think a romantic relationship would work out, especially with the impact it could have on his mental health. I wanted to show him that I was empathetic towards his struggles, unlike his reaction to mine. But he just shrugged and nodded. After I left, I felt sick and knew I never wanted to see him again. I messaged him saying it was lovely to meet him, but I wanted to focus on my work. His response was even worse, assuming that my rejection was due to my BPD.
I wanted to tell him that it was his heartlessness, not my condition, that led to my decision. He replied, "I won't be blocking you, that's for sure." But I wish he had because I ended up blocking him. I cancelled my dating app subscription soon after the date. The whole experience left me feeling sad and put me off from meeting guys in the future. At least Rob showed his true colors early on. He may have spoken like a character from King Arthur, but he was definitely no knight in shining armor.
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