September 6th 2024.
As I stepped into the kitchen, a grin spread across my face. The countertops were sparkling, the dishes were all put away, and not a single crumb was in sight. My partner looked up at me with a look of anticipation on his face. He had been working hard all day and was eagerly awaiting a reward for his efforts. And by reward, I mean a well-deserved blowjob.
My mouth watered as I thought about what a great partner he is for pulling his weight around the house. But, before you ask, let me tell you that this is not a true story. I may share anecdotes in my columns, but I can honestly say that I have never given sexual favors in exchange for chores, nor do I ever plan to. But, as it turns out, not everyone shares my stance.
Take Katy Perry, for example. The singer, who is married to actor Orlando Bloom, recently revealed on the Call Her Daddy podcast that her "love language" involves household chores. She boldly stated, "If I come downstairs and the kitchen is clean, and you've done it all, and you've done all the dishes, and you've closed all the pantry doors, you better be ready to get your d**k sucked." At first, I didn't think much of it, assuming it was just a joke. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how problematic this statement is, especially coming from someone who just released a song called "Woman's World," which is supposed to be about feminism.
Whether Perry was serious or not, her words could easily be misconstrued by women who may take them seriously. I personally know women who genuinely believe that their partner deserves sexual gratification in exchange for doing household chores. Let me make this clear: this is a terrible idea, for many reasons.
First of all, it creates an imbalance in the relationship. While I am all for role-playing and exploring different power dynamics in the bedroom, using chores as a bargaining chip in real life blurs the lines between fantasy and reality. It can also lead to a dangerous power dynamic and potential issues within the relationship. For instance, what happens if you're not in the mood to give your partner oral sex after they've done the dishes? Will they sulk and make you feel guilty for not holding up your end of the deal? Or worse, will they start keeping track and "banking" blowjobs for future use? This turns something that should be a fun and intimate act into a strategic game of manipulation.
But, most importantly, from a feminist perspective, why should men be rewarded for doing the bare minimum? According to a recent study, women spend significantly more time on household chores than men do. So not only do we have the orgasm gap, but we also have the chores gap. It's time to break down these gender stereotypes and stop reinforcing the idea that men deserve a pat on the back (or a blowjob) for simply doing their share of household responsibilities.
Now, I am not here to judge couples who enjoy incorporating household tasks into their foreplay. Everyone has their own preferences and kinks, and that's okay. But when it becomes an expectation or a way to manipulate and control your partner, that's where the line should be drawn. Instead, just have sex because you want to, not as a reward for doing something that should already be a shared responsibility.
I'd like to believe that Perry didn't mean any harm by her comment. But as someone in the public eye, her words hold weight and could potentially perpetuate harmful gender norms. And while it may have just been a passing joke to her, it's important to think about the impact our words can have.
In my own relationship, my boyfriend and I have had discussions about household responsibilities and have found a system that works for us. He is a considerate but forgetful person, so he sets reminders in his calendar to help him remember when it's his turn to clean. While I appreciate his efforts and make sure to express my gratitude, there is no way I am using sex as a bargaining tool for something that we both should be doing.
In the end, using sex as a reward for household chores is a harmful and unequal practice. Let's break away from these damaging gender stereotypes and have a more balanced and respectful approach to household responsibilities. Because, as I said before, when we use sex as a reward, everyone loses. So let's focus on other, more enjoyable games in the bedroom and leave the chores out of it. Do you have any thoughts on this topic? Feel free to share your views in the comments below. And remember, let's keep sex and household chores separate.
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