August 17th 2024.
In the midst of carefully pulling the final stitch through the hand painted fabric, a wave of pride washed over me. It had taken me three weeks of dedicated work, but I had finally completed my handmade 30th birthday book. Each page was filled with a unique expression of love, a hundred different ways to say "I love you". I wanted the recipient to know that they were cherished, important, and adored, and that it was an honor to have them by my side throughout life's journey.
Some might assume that this romantic gesture was meant for a lover or partner, but in reality, it was for my best friend. For the past three weeks, this project had occupied every spare minute of my time, and I poured my heart and soul into it. It made me reflect on how society often places too much emphasis on the importance of sexual-romantic relationships, believing them to be more legitimate and valuable than friendships. But in my experience, that couldn't be further from the truth.
My friendships have been a constant source of joy, laughter, companionship, and deep love. They have been with me through every heartbreak, every hurdle, and every milestone. As I grew older, I started to question the societal belief that traditional romantic partners were more important than friendships. It seemed like everywhere I looked, Western culture was obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship. It was exhausting to constantly be bombarded with the message that finding a monogamous sexual love was the key to eternal satisfaction.
But what I found was that my friendships brought me much more fulfillment and happiness than my romantic relationships ever did. While my romantic partners often brought me pain, disappointment, and a sense of "meh", my friends never failed to bring me joy, laughter, and a deep sense of love. I remember walking to and from lectures with my friend Rosa during my early twenties, and those moments were my favorite part of the day. Nobody could make me laugh like she could, and our friendship was full of romance. We would paint each other little pictures and prepare picnics for each other, just like a couple in love.
My friendships became my highest priority in life, and they have continually sustained me. In 2019, when I was hungover and feeling down, one of my best friends of 29 years showed up at my house with a homemade curry, flowers, and a handmade card calling me a "prat". For another friend who missed out on her graduation due to the pandemic, I organized an entire ceremony in my home. It took weeks of planning and preparation, and I even handmade a graduation cap and gown for her. She told me that nobody had ever done something so thoughtful for her, and it was a clear demonstration of love and commitment.
These are just a few examples of the countless ways in which my friends have shown me love and support. It made me rethink the question of whether I have a partner in the traditional sense. While I may not have a romantic partner, I have at least 10 close friends who I consider my partners in life. And while I do have traditional partners at times, I treat them with the same level of romance and dedication as I do my friends. It's not an either-or dynamic, but rather a balance of different types of love and connection in my life.
I have come to realize that having a romantic partner does not "complete" me or make my life more meaningful. My friendships have already given me a sense of deep connection, understanding, and love, and that is more than enough. In fact, I am currently making plans with two of my closest friends to buy a place together in the next few years, so we can live together in our 40s and 50s. We have known each other for over a decade, and our commitment to each other is just as strong as a traditional romantic partnership.
I am grateful that my sense of meaning and fulfillment in life is not tied to one person, but rather spread abundantly throughout my circle of close friends. It gives me a sense of unshakable power, security, and love, and I believe that everyone deserves to experience that. As society starts to shift away from the traditional ideal of marriage and monogamy, I hope to see more recognition and celebration of the deep connections and commitments we have with our friends. After all, friendships can be just as meaningful and valuable as romantic relationships, if not more. This is a future that I am excited to be a part of, and I will continue to prioritize my friendships as the greatest romances in my life.
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