June 8th 2024.
I have to admit, it's my biggest regret as a parent. Just the other day, my youngest son Fin texted me asking for some money for drinks. I had just paid for my haircut and didn't realize how expensive it was. As soon as I read his message, I immediately opened my banking app and transferred him £50. He's 18 years old and still living at home while studying for his A-Levels. He also has a part-time job coaching football, but it seems like he had already spent all of his wages on Deliveroo and Amazon.
I had already done all the household chores, including stacking the dishwasher, and Fin hadn't done anything to earn a reward. But we both knew I wouldn't say no. I have become a walking cash machine for my sons, and it's my biggest regret as a parent. Especially because I didn't follow the example of my millionaire father in the construction industry.
When I was growing up, despite my father's financial success, he never gave my three siblings and me pocket money. If we wanted to go to the cinema or buy something extra, we had to earn it by cleaning his car, brushing the yard, tidying our rooms, or doing the dishes. Anything that my dad could consider a job, we would get paid for it. The lesson was clear: money was something you earned through hard work.
I remember going with my dad in his car to all his business meetings, and I saw firsthand his strong work ethic. He would drive from Cheshire to London and back in one day for weeks. I was always fascinated by the business talk and soaked it up like a sponge. In fact, at the age of eight, I even set up my first business selling hand-picked damsons at the end of our driveway. But my dad soon shut it down because he didn't want people in the neighborhood to think he was going broke.
I promised myself that when I had children, I would raise them with the same values my dad instilled in me. And I did just that. I got my first real job at 11 years old, waitressing for an outdoor catering company for £1.10 an hour. I continued working in the hospitality industry throughout my university years, and then I started my own award-winning bridal boutique. Now, I am a multi-six-figure business strategist, working with female entrepreneurs, and I am a millionaire in my own right.
I understand the importance of knowing the value of money, yet I can't seem to stop myself from simply handing it over whenever Fin asks. He sends me a text, and I fulfill his request without a second thought. Ironically, before having children, I swore to myself that my kids would be raised with the same values my dad instilled in me.
My husband, Andrew, and I never discussed pocket money before our first son, Tom, was born. Andrew was brought up the same way I was, and it was implied that our kids would have to work for their money. But as the boys grew older, it became apparent that I wasn't going to stick to my promise.
It all started when they became teenagers. When Tom turned 13, he asked for money for Xbox points, and I just gave it to him. With Andrew, it was an automatic no, but it never crossed my mind to refuse. I felt guilty saying no when I could easily afford it. Fin loves branded clothing, while Tom is obsessed with trainers and football boots. My husband and I have always made it clear that expensive one-off items are reserved for Christmas and birthdays. However, there is no limit to what I will pay for their travel to keep them safe. So if they need train or taxi money, I give it to them without hesitation.
I also enjoy treating my sons to nice experiences, like going out for lunch, to the cinema, or having a few beers at the pub. Other moms tell me they pay their kids chore money upfront, and then they have to nag and beg for anything to get done. That's not something I want to waste my energy on. I know that if I ask, my boys will help out around the house, but it's more important to me to have a loving and positive relationship with them.
My husband doesn't agree with my approach. He thinks Fin should be made to do chores, but I remind him that it's my money, and it's only £20 or £30 once or twice a week. However, I don't keep track, and it all adds up. Fin works six hours a week for minimum wage, but he never saves a penny. He's completely different from Tom, who is a full-time football coach and likes to see his money in the bank. Tom rarely asks me for anything now, and he only did so occasionally before he got his first part-time job at 16. I don't see Fin giving up asking for money anytime soon, and I have no idea when I'll stop giving it to him.
I must admit, I've made my bed, and now I have to lie in it. My boys are adults now, and I love them more than anything. If I could go back in time, I would do things differently. My dad was right all along; no child is entitled to pocket money. I don't discuss my views with Fin, and he's never heard me talk about chores or pocket money. I don't intend to start now. I know he's a good kid, and he isn't entitled to money in other ways. He wants to become an engineer, so I think it's more important for him to focus on his A-Levels rather than work more hours.
I am hopeful that when the time comes, Fin will put in the hard work to get a full-time job. Until then, I'll continue to be his "human cash machine." I have no one to blame but myself. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Share your thoughts on pocket money in the comments below.
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