December 29th 2024.
I can't seem to get a good night's sleep lately, all because of one thing that keeps replaying in my mind. The thought of my loved ones' potential reactions to my wedding dress has been keeping me up at night. Luckily, I have the amazing Alison Rios McCrone, a wedding planner and venue owner, who is here to help solve all of our dilemmas in her weekly agony aunt column.
Dear Alison,
I recently got engaged and I am beyond thrilled to dive into all the planning. My fiancé and I have already taken care of booking the perfect venue, finding a talented wedding singer, and organizing the reception. I couldn't be more excited about it all.
However, there is one aspect of the planning process that I am dreading: wedding dress shopping. Specifically, going with my mom and sister. I have this fear that they will make negative comments about my body and weight, and that is something I am not looking forward to. As a plus size woman, finding clothes that fit well can already be a challenge, let alone finding the perfect dress for what is supposed to be the most important day of my life. I've already come to terms with the fact that some sample size dresses may not fit me, and certain styles may not be the most flattering on my figure.
But what keeps me up at night are the comments that my mom and sister might make. Am I a bad person for wanting to exclude them from this experience?
Throughout my life, I have heard the same hurtful comments over and over again. "If you lose a bit of weight, it'll be more flattering." "Don't you think you should cover up a bit more?" "That's a bit too small, isn't it?" The last thing I want is to hear these comments while trying on wedding dresses. I am already nervous that the dresses won't look as beautiful on me as they do on the models, simply because I am not a size 6.
It has gotten to the point where my fiancé has suggested that I don't invite my mom and sister to the dress shopping at all, just to save myself from potential hurtful comments. But then again, what if they make those same comments on the actual wedding day? Am I a bad person for wanting to exclude them and have the positive bridal experience that I deserve?
Thank you for listening,
Grace
Do you have a wedding dilemma that you need help with?
Weddings are supposed to be a joyous occasion, but let's be real, they can also be incredibly stressful. Whether you're the bride, groom, best man or woman, a family member, or friend of the couple, the lead-up to the big day can be very tense. That's where Alison comes in. With 10 years of experience running a venue and helping couples plan their weddings, she is here to offer a helping hand.
If you have a problem that needs solving, email your issue anonymously to Alison and she will do her best to help you out.
Dear Grace,
Congratulations on your engagement!
I am thrilled to hear how excited you are about planning your wedding. It is a major milestone in life, and it is only natural to want every aspect of it to be magical - including finding your dream dress.
Your concerns about your mom and sister's potential comments are completely valid and relatable. No one wants to feel judged or scrutinized, especially during such a personal and emotional experience.
Before you go dress shopping, I suggest having a sincere conversation with your mom and sister. Let them know how much you value their presence, but also explain how their comments about your weight or body in the past have affected you. Be honest and tell them that you need their support, not their criticism, during this special time in your life. This conversation can also be applied to the actual wedding day.
If you feel that they may not be able to fully support you in the way you need, consider bringing someone else with you, such as a bridesmaid or a trusted friend. Alternatively, you could go alone on your first visit to look for a dress. Your fiancé's suggestion to exclude your mom and sister may seem extreme, but it comes from a place of love and a desire to protect you. Who knows, it may turn out to be the best solution for you.
Personally, I went wedding dress shopping alone, more for logistical reasons, and it ended up being a wonderful experience. I was able to decide exactly what I wanted without anyone else's opinions interfering or making me question my choices.
It doesn't make you a bad person to want to protect yourself and ensure a positive experience. In fact, it shows strength and self-awareness. Your wedding is about celebrating love and joy, and you deserve to feel incredible every step of the way.
What advice would you give this bride?
If, after careful consideration, you do decide to bring your mom and sister dress shopping, I suggest planning a follow-up conversation closer to the wedding day. Reiterate your boundaries and express how important it is for the day to remain free from any negativity or hurtful comments.
There are also wedding dress shops that specialize in plus-size brides. Their staff are trained to make the experience uplifting and supportive. I recommend calling ahead to explain your concerns and asking if they can recommend consultants who will help boost your confidence. They may also have sample dresses available for you to try on, and individual changing rooms to make you feel more comfortable.
Your body is not an obstacle to looking and feeling beautiful - it is a part of who you are, and your dress is there to highlight that beauty. So whether you decide to take your mom and sister with you or not, remember to focus on what makes you happy. And it seems like you have a fantastic fiancé who is there to support you every step of the way.
Wishing you joy, confidence, and the most incredible dress that makes you glow.
Best wishes,
Alison
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