July 31st 2024.
Aidan was always told that not everyone deserves the privilege of knowing you. This thought was especially true when it came to her father, Jack. The questions of why he was texting and calling her, and how he even got her number, always swirled in her mind as a teenager. His messages were always jarring, not just because they were infrequent and late, but because they were a constant reminder of the relationship that should have been between a father and daughter, but wasn't.
Aidan's memories of her father were scarce. She hadn't seen him since she was six years old, which was also the only time she remembered him visiting after her parents' divorce when she was two. She could only recall that he was silly and made her laugh, and that he had short, coarse hair and dark copper skin. She also remembered feeling excited to see him. Even at such a young age, she hoped that this visit would mark the beginning of a new relationship between them. Sadly, this was not the case.
Throughout the years, Jack rarely reached out to Aidan. On the rare occasion that he did, it was usually at her mother's insistence. Sometimes, he would send random texts, but most of the time it was only on special occasions like her birthday or Easter. Considering the pattern of ghosting, reaching out, and then ghosting again, his messages were always uncomfortably familiar.
Now, at 24 years old, Aidan is getting married this summer. She and her fiancé have had a blast planning every aspect of their big day, except for one thing - inviting Jack. It was never even a question for Aidan, as she hadn't had a meaningful relationship with him since she was two. It just felt strange to invite someone who was practically a stranger to her. None of her friends or family have questioned why he's not invited, as they all know he was never a consistent presence in her life and therefore doesn't deserve to be at her wedding.
During the time of Jack's one and only visit, they were living in the United States. He was based a few states away from them, so Aidan could understand if he couldn't visit often due to financial or work constraints. However, she couldn't help but feel that his lack of consistent communication was a sign that he didn't care enough. If he had any major health issues, no one had informed Aidan or her mother. Therefore, the only logical conclusion was that he simply didn't care.
As the years went by, Jack's sporadic attempts to reach out and then disappear again became more and more unsettling for Aidan. It was then that she made the decision to cut him out of her life completely. She became one of the many people who experience estrangement within their families.
Aidan had spent years being open to the idea of forgiving her father and building a relationship with him, but he never took the opportunity to get to know her. And now, as she prepares for her wedding, she realizes that he doesn't deserve to be a part of this special occasion. He doesn't even know her well enough to deserve an invite or to meet her fiancé. Her mother and stepfather will be the ones to walk her down the aisle and sit at the top table with her and her future husband.
Estrangement is not a decision to be taken lightly, but Aidan hopes that more people in similar situations will feel empowered to let go of toxic relationships and focus on those who truly love and support them. As she reflects on her own estrangement, she realizes that not everyone deserves the privilege of knowing you, even if they happen to be related to you.
This is why Aidan is sharing her story, along with others who have experienced estrangement, in the series "Degrees of Separation." Each story is unique, and it's important to give a voice to those who have gone through this challenging experience. If you have a story to share, you can email the series' creator, Jess, at jess.email.
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