December 14th 2024.
I couldn't believe my luck when I found out that Ollie from work was interested in me. I always thought he was out of my league - with his private education, athletic build, and confidence that I lacked. We would chat and flirt at the office, and he never held back on compliments. So when he asked me out on a date, I said yes without hesitation.
It was a warm August evening when we decided to attend an open-air proms event. We brought along a picnic from M&S and some fruit cider, and settled on a cozy spot to enjoy the last bit of summer. The conversation flowed easily and I felt content in his company.
After the show, we had two options: a one-hour train ride home or a 20-minute ride to Ollie's place. As I had been mentally undressing him for the past few hours, I was more than ready to head to his place. We shared a kiss on the train and within an hour, we were in his bed.
But let's fast forward to the next morning. I woke up feeling groggy and confused, trying to piece together where I was. I also felt some strange aches in my stomach muscles and other parts of my body. Ollie was nowhere to be seen, and I assumed he was in the bathroom. However, as the minutes ticked by, I started to worry about his well-being. When he finally emerged from the bathroom, he looked pale and shaken. I asked if he was okay, but he scolded me for scaring him. It took a while for me to understand what he meant, but then it hit me - I had suffered a seizure in my sleep.
Instead of calling for help or even checking if I was okay, Ollie had locked himself in the bathroom. I understand that a seizure can be scary if you've never witnessed one before, but is it too much to ask for a quick check to make sure your date is okay? Apparently, Ollie thought so.
We had never really discussed my seizures before our date, but he was aware of them. And yet, he proceeded to gaslight me, blaming me for scaring him and making him hide in the bathroom until it was over. I was so embarrassed and mortified that I ended up apologizing to him instead of being angry about the situation.
Despite this unfortunate episode, I still blamed myself and continued to see Ollie for a few more unremarkable dates. However, things eventually fizzled out between us, and we remained civil at work. Little did I know, this incident would have a lasting impact on my relationships for the next few months and even years.
Whenever a man asked me out, I would self-sabotage the date to prevent it from going any further. I didn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with someone while my epilepsy was uncontrolled. It took me 18 months to finally trust someone enough to sleep with them again.
But eventually, I found my happily ever after with my husband, who has seen me have a seizure on rare occasions. And unlike Ollie, he always makes sure I am safe and stays with me until I wake up. He has never once blamed me or made me feel like I was the problem.
Looking back, I never received an apology from Ollie, but then again, what kind of apology would be acceptable for abandoning someone at their most vulnerable moment? And I also regret not giving him the scolding he deserved for leaving me unconscious in his bed. But I've learned that the problem was never me - it was all on him.
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation where your date has a seizure, stay calm and make sure they are safe. Cushion their head and put them in the recovery position until they recover. And just to make it clear, locking yourself in the bathroom or any other room is not the right way to handle the situation.
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