May 19th 2024.
My heart shattered as I clutched the phone and fell to the floor, screaming "No!" My dad, Clive, stood helplessly on the other end of the line, apologizing over and over again. It was the summer of 2020 and I had just received the devastating news that he had been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The cancer had spread to his liver and lymph nodes, giving him only 12 weeks to live at the young age of 67.
My dad was always the epitome of health. He took pride in growing his own vegetables and his passion for walking kept him fit. However, in the summer of 2019, during a routine men's wellness check, the doctors discovered that he was borderline diabetic. It seemed odd, considering he was slim and didn't have any unhealthy habits. But no one thought much of it and he was told to enjoy his retirement.
Then, around Christmas, he started experiencing back pain. Looking back now, I know that if anyone were to mention having sudden diabetes and back pain, I would immediately advise them to get their pancreas checked as those are two common symptoms of pancreatic cancer. But at the time, we were unaware and the doctors didn't put two and two together. Instead, they suggested physiotherapy for the pain, which unfortunately did not help and only made things worse.
It took five weeks to finally get an appointment with the oncologist, as she was on holiday for part of that time. My family and I still don't understand why it took so long. During the appointment, she informed my dad that he had six to 12 months left to live with chemotherapy, or three to six months without it. Without hesitation, my dad requested to start the treatment immediately. However, we waited another two weeks for the treatment to begin.
My dad's condition deteriorated rapidly. His mobility became limited, making it difficult for him to walk down the stairs and eventually impossible for him to drive. Eating became a challenge as well. Adding to the already heartbreaking situation was the pandemic, which forced our family to practically move in with my parents to be there for my dad during his final days. We knew his time was limited and it was devastating.
In September 2020, my dad had a pre-chemo blood check that raised concerns and he was admitted to the hospital to treat a possible infection before starting his treatment. However, we soon learned that the cancer had spread too far and it was now too late for chemotherapy. In a heartbreaking car ride home, we discussed his funeral arrangements. My dad, being the practical man he was, didn't want us to have to worry about those things. He even asked me and my sister to help him finish his eulogy.
As his condition worsened, my family and I struggled to see him in so much pain. It was inhumane to watch someone we loved suffer like that. However, thanks to the charity Pancreatic Cancer UK, we were able to bring him home for end-of-life care with the help of hospice nurses, a hospital bed, and a syringe driver for pain relief. It was a heartbreaking yet comforting time for us as we were able to say our goodbyes and be with him until the very end.
The nurses were incredible, but watching my dad pass away from pancreatic cancer was something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It was a nightmare. But in his final moments, he was surrounded by his loved ones, holding our hands. Even as his heart kept beating, his breathing became shallow and the nurse gently urged him to let go. And he did.
After my dad's passing, my family and I struggled to come to terms with our loss, especially due to the immense suffering he went through. I knew I needed something to focus on, so my sister and I signed up for the virtual London Marathon in 2021. We mapped out a route that represented my dad's life, starting from where he was born and ending at his grave. He had always wanted to do the Yorkshire Three Peaks challenge, so I promised him I would do it for him. He also urged me to raise awareness and funds for Pancreatic Cancer UK, which I have been doing through various physical challenges.
It would be easy to harbor anger towards the lack of treatment my dad received, and for a long time, I did. But now, I am determined to bring about change. My dad's diagnosis could have been caught earlier, or he could have had more time with us if he had received treatment. That's why I am now fronting a Pancreatic Cancer UK campaign called "Don't Write Me Off." It breaks my heart to know that seven out of ten people with pancreatic cancer never receive treatment and more than 50% of them pass away within three months of their diagnosis. Faster action could mean more time for people to make memories with their loved ones.
I wish we had pushed for more tests and answers, but we didn't know any better. So, for anyone going through a similar situation, I urge you to keep pushing for answers and make sure you receive the quality of care you deserve. My dad had a wonderful relationship with all of us and he knew how loved he was. He may not have received the treatment he deserved, but in the end, he was comfortable and surrounded by his family. For that, I will always be grateful.
As I continue to raise awareness and funds for Pancreatic Cancer UK, I am also sharing my story to encourage others to do the same. Let's work towards a future where no one has to suffer from this devastating disease.
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