October 28th 2024.
As a millennial, I have a confession to make - I used to watch Friends every single day. It was my go-to show, my comfort blanket, my daily source of laughter. But now, it's been exactly 367 days since I last watched an episode. How do I know this? Well, because today marks one year since the tragic passing of Matthew Perry. It's hard to believe that it's been a year since his accidental ketamine overdose, and the discovery of his body in the hot tub of his Los Angeles mansion.
Just like many other millennials, I went through a phase where I would watch Friends twice a day. I would catch it at 5pm on E4, and then again on E4 plus one. Looking back now, I can't believe how fitting the title of the show has become. Yes, it was centered around a tight-knit group of six friends, but for fans like me, Rachel, Ross, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler felt like real people, real friends. Of course, I know that's a bit delusional. If someone else were to say that about any other fictional character, I would probably keep my distance from them. But there was something special about these characters. As The Rembrandts sang in the iconic theme song, they were there for us, through all of life's ups and downs.
I never had the chance to meet Matthew Perry personally. My connection to him was through his portrayal of Chandler Bing, a character from a TV show that had finished filming 20 years before his death. But his passing hit me hard. It was the most intense grief I've ever felt for someone I didn't actually know. I was at a nightclub when I heard someone gasp and say "Oh my god, Chandler died." I couldn't believe it. In a state of shock, I left and took a taxi home, where I just lay in bed feeling numb. I felt a bit embarrassed to be so affected by the death of a celebrity, but whether it's rational or not, stars like Matthew Perry and characters like Chandler Bing can have a huge impact on our lives, even if we've never met them.
As the years went by, my favorite character from the Friends gang would change. But growing up, it was always Chandler. I never really thought too much about it, I just assumed it was because he was undeniably the funniest one. But looking back, I realize that we were quite similar. Both of us were treated as just average, nothing special. The rest of the group was always surprised when Chandler managed to date an attractive girl, assuming that she would have been more likely to go for Joey. Even though Ross was obsessed with dinosaurs, Chandler was often seen as a bit of a "loser" among the group. His best friend was Joey, but in some ways, he was still an outsider. Rachel and Ross were the main characters, Joey got his own spin-off show, Phoebe was on a whole different planet, and Monica was the glue that held the group together.
In fact, Chandler didn't really have a defined role in the group until season seven when he and Rachel bonded over a stolen cheesecake. It was the first time we really saw them have a significant experience together. I don't even think he had one major moment with Phoebe. As a gay teenager, I felt the same way. While my friends were all hooking up with each other, I was more of a spectator, watching them grow into the adults they would become.
But my love for Friends isn't just about the characters. It's also about the real-life actors who brought them to life. When my sister Posy passed away suddenly on Christmas Eve when I was 15, I learned more about grief than anyone that age ever should. She was an actress, and as her biggest fan, I was always in awe of her, even when watching her in some not-so-great productions. Sadly, we didn't have camera phones back then, so the only footage I have of her is a trailer for a short film she starred in before her death. It took me a long time to be able to listen to her voice without being overwhelmed with grief. Even now, 22 years later, hearing her voice still breaks my heart, but also fills me with joy.
When you experience a certain level of grief, it's only natural to feel a greater pain when hearing about the death of anyone. It's a reminder of the suffering that their loved ones must be going through, and the huge void that is left in their absence. When Matthew Perry passed away, my heart ached for everyone who had ever been moved by him in any way, but especially for those who truly knew the real man behind the character of Chandler.
I know that one day, I'll be able to watch Friends again without feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I'll be able to laugh at Chandler's witty one-liners and enjoy the familiarity of these characters who have been a part of my life for the past 30 years. But for now, even one year after his passing, I'm just not ready. I hope that when I'm much older, Chandler and his five best friends will still bring me the same comfort that they do now. But for now, I'll continue to hold on to the memories and cherish the impact that they've had on my life. Life is unpredictable, and the loss of anyone, no matter how big or small, is a reminder to cherish every moment and hold on to the memories that we have.
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