May 26th 2024.
As I stood there, staring at the pregnancy test, my mind was filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Fear, excitement, anxiety, confusion - all at once. You see, this wasn't my first pregnancy. My partner and I had been down this road before, but unfortunately, it hadn't ended well. I had experienced a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy in the past two years, so it was hard not to feel apprehensive about this positive test.
In my previous pregnancies, I had waited until the "safe" point - the 12-week mark when the risk of miscarriage decreases - to share the news with anyone other than a few close friends and family members. But sadly, that "safe" point never came. Instead of sharing the joyous news with my loved ones, I was forced to tell them that I had been pregnant, but I wasn't anymore. It was tough, and while I appreciated their sympathy, it felt terrible.
After that experience, I decided to take a few months before even considering getting pregnant again. I just couldn't handle the thought of going through it all over again. But as time went on, I couldn't help but question whether keeping my pregnancies a secret for three months was the right decision.
During those first few months, when the risk of miscarriage is highest, I couldn't help but feel like I was hiding something. And it made me wonder, why is pregnancy loss something that needs to be kept hush-hush? Why do we feel the need to hide it? In my experience, it was even sadder to share the news of a miscarriage before anyone even knew I was pregnant. There was no chance to celebrate the little life inside me - only to mourn it.
It's a known fact that around 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and a majority of these happen in the first trimester. That's a lot of women out there potentially dealing with complex emotions and grief on their own. And let me tell you, dealing with the loss of a baby is hard enough without the added weight of secrecy.
A study even found that almost half of people who experienced a miscarriage felt guilty, and a significant number also felt alone and ashamed. This shouldn't be the case. It made me realize that this "rule" of not telling anyone about your pregnancy until after 12 weeks stems from a place of stigma and an outdated belief that talking about it early will somehow tempt fate.
So, as I sat there with a positive pregnancy test in my hand, I made a promise to myself to share the good news earlier this time around. I wanted to allow myself to feel happy and celebrate the possibility of what could be. Of course, I was still terrified of the potential for another loss, but I didn't want the first time I acknowledged this pregnancy out loud to be in the past tense.
And when I shared the news with my friends and family, I allowed myself to enjoy their excited reactions. It was scary, but having it out in the open made me feel more positive. It was a mindset shift for me. Of course, I still had moments of worry and fear, and I found myself constantly checking for any signs of trouble. But overall, sharing the news earlier made a huge difference for me.
Thankfully, my pregnancy was successful, and I am now the proud mother of a happy and healthy one-year-old. But if I had to go through the heartbreaking experience of losing a baby again, I feel like it would have been easier to deal with because I had at least had a chance to share the good news with my loved ones. And even after my previous miscarriages, I had eventually told my friends and family anyway. So, what was the point of waiting?
If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I will make the same decision to share the news earlier. Because even if something does go wrong, I will be grateful that my baby was given the chance to be celebrated, even if it was just for a short time. And I will have given myself the chance to do the same.
I know that every woman's experience is different, and some may choose to keep their pregnancy a secret until later. And that's okay. But for me, not having to hide my pregnancy during those early months made a world of difference. It taught me that it's okay to be optimistic, even after experiencing loss. And it's perfectly okay to talk about your pregnancy as early as you want, with whoever you want.
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