September 8th 2024.
Dear Alison,
I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you about a concern I have regarding my best friend who is getting married next year. She recently got engaged and I couldn't be happier for her. I can see the excitement in her eyes and it warms my heart.
However, there's something else that I've noticed and it's been weighing heavily on my mind. It's regarding her drastic weight loss. I know that it's not uncommon for brides to feel the need to lose weight before their big day, but I feel like my friend is taking it to an extreme level. The other day, I went dress shopping with her and while it was great to see her so happy, I couldn't help but feel conflicted when I saw how thin she had become. I worry about how much more weight she may lose in the next six months leading up to her wedding day.
I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Should I talk to her about it? Or maybe her mom? Or should I just leave it be? I value your perspective and advice on this matter.
Sincerely,
Lola
P.S. If you have any wedding-related problems that you need help with, I highly recommend reaching out to Alison. She has 10 years of experience running a venue and helping couples plan their special day. You can email her anonymously to get your issue solved.
Dear Lola,
It's clear that you deeply care for your friend and her well-being. It's understandable that you would be concerned about her weight loss, especially with her wedding coming up. I commend you for showing her unconditional love and support, it truly means a lot.
Watching someone you care about undergo a significant weight change can be worrying, especially when it seems to be influenced by external pressures or stress. As joyous as weddings are, they also bring a lot of stress and anxiety. I can understand why you may feel uncertain about how to handle this situation. You want your friend to feel comfortable opening up to you, but you also don't want her to feel judged or criticized. Therefore, it's important to approach this with sensitivity and empathy.
Find a time where you can both speak openly and without distractions, preferably in a private setting so she doesn't feel any added pressure. Start by expressing your happiness for her upcoming wedding and how much you care for her. Then, calmly share your observations without any agenda. Let her know that you noticed a significant weight loss when you went dress shopping and you just wanted to check in with her. She may not even realize how noticeable the change is. By bringing it to her attention, you're giving her the opportunity to explore it if she wants to and she may even appreciate having someone to talk to about it.
Focus on your concern for her overall health and well-being, rather than just her weight loss. Show her empathy and understanding. Sadly, it's common for brides to feel pressure to look a certain way on their wedding day, especially with the knowledge that they will be photographed and filmed. If your friend is struggling emotionally, it will be comforting for her to know that you understand.
You can gently ask her questions like, "How are you feeling about everything?" and "Does the wedding planning feel manageable?". This will allow her to open up and share her thoughts and feelings about what's going on in her life beyond the wedding. There may be other stressful factors at play for her.
If she is receptive to discussing this with you, suggest that she focuses on feeling strong and healthy for her big day, but avoid any mention of diets, weight, or exercise. Remind her that this is a topic you can revisit whenever she wants and that you're there to listen.
However, if she seems defensive or dismissive, it may be best to step back and continue offering your support in other ways. Is there something specific you can do to help her in the immediate future? Perhaps you can assist with some smaller wedding tasks or plan a relaxing activity to help her destress.
If you suspect that your friend may have an eating disorder, it's important to seek professional help. You can contact BEAT, the national charity for eating disorders, for information and advice on the best way to get appropriate treatment. There are also other helplines available across the UK.
With six months left until the wedding, it's great that you're taking action now. However, I would recommend being cautious about involving her mom or others. This could potentially be seen as overstepping boundaries. If you believe her health is in danger and she is not open to discussing it, involving her mom may be a last resort. In the meantime, BEAT has a wealth of information and advice that you can refer to.
Ultimately, your friend is an adult and will make her own decisions. But knowing that she has a friend like you who truly cares and supports her can make all the difference. Your strong bond and trust are the foundation needed for difficult conversations like this.
Wishing you and your friend all the best for her wedding day.
Best wishes,
Alison
P.S. If you have a story you'd like to share, don't hesitate to reach out. You can email Jess and share your experience. And don't forget to share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below.
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