August 20th 2024.
As I watched the first episode of Freddie Flintoff's new BBC documentary, "Field of Dreams: On Tour", I couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for the former cricketer. In his own words, he stated, "I am what I am now...I'm different to what I was. That's something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life." It was clear to me that Freddie had been through a lot, and I could only imagine the emotional turmoil he must have faced.
For the first time, Freddie publicly spoke about the traumatic crash he experienced in 2022 while filming a stunt for Top Gear. The impact of the crash had left him with not only physical scars but also deep emotional wounds. He revealed that he had suffered from severe anxiety and was unable to leave his house for months after the incident. I could only imagine the constant reminder of the crash every time he looked in the mirror.
As someone who has experienced a similar situation, I can understand what goes through Freddie's mind when he sees his scars. In my case, I was asleep when I was in a crash at the age of 22. Waking up to find my face cut open by glass was a surreal and terrifying experience. However, I was fortunate enough to have been unaware of what had happened. For Freddie, reliving the terror and living with the mental scars would have been a daunting task.
"Field of Dreams: On Tour" was released in 2022, and it featured Freddie's project to create a cricket team with local kids from Preston in England. However, during the filming of the second season, the crash occurred. Now, in the second episode of the documentary, we see the immediate aftermath of the incident, with Freddie's face in stitches and a bandage.
In one scene, Freddie stated, "I don't want to sit here and feel sorry for myself...Everywhere I go, I've got a full face mask and glasses on. I can't do that." It was evident that he was still struggling to come to terms with his appearance and the trauma he had faced. The physical scars were one thing, but the mental scars seemed to have a more significant impact on him.
I couldn't help but wonder if Freddie was grappling with the internal conflict of knowing that he could have called off the stunt, but for some reason, he didn't. Forgiving ourselves can sometimes be more challenging than forgiving others. As someone who has found peace after a similar experience, I hope Freddie can also find peace and reconcile that there was nothing he could have done to prevent the crash.
Watching "Field of Dreams: On Tour", it was clear that Freddie was determined to use his experience to help others who have been through a rough time in life. Along with taking a trip with the Preston cricket boys to India, the documentary also delved into Freddie's recovery journey, including endless hospital appointments and surgeries. The medical trauma behind scar rehabilitation is not something to be taken lightly, especially for an athlete who uses their body as their instrument. It must have felt like he was spinning out of control.
It's not easy to feel like yourself when you no longer look like yourself. However, personally, I believe scars are cool. Maybe it's because I work with the facial difference community through running Face Equality International, a campaign that advocates for the rights of those with facial differences. I see scars every day, and to me, they are hardly noticeable. The size or "severity" of a disfigurement does not determine its impact on an individual's mental health. It's not just about the outward appearance, but the emotional toll it takes on a person.
I am grateful that Freddie has openly shared his struggle and given people with facial differences the representation they deserve. The most powerful scene of the first episode was when he shared his truth and how he has come to terms with his new life. When asked if he felt "better" after the crash, Freddie responded, "Better? No, different."
It's clear that being exposed and having to show up as a "different" person is making Freddie feel vulnerable. But in that moment, you can see him starting to own it. I have no doubt that he will come back stronger, and I'm excited to watch the second episode tonight. After watching this episode, I believe that everyone, whether a cricket fan or not, will adore Freddie for sharing his gift with the world. His ability to see the potential in someone is what makes him a true coach, in every sense of the word.
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