August 25th 2024.
Hi Alison,
My wife and I are facing a bit of a dilemma and we could really use your expert advice. We have a wedding to attend in September, which we accepted earlier this year when we received the invitation. However, now my family has surprised us with an all-expenses-paid weekend getaway to a spa hotel in the Cotswolds on the same exact weekend.
We really want to go to the family weekend, but we also made a commitment to attend the wedding. We were thinking of leaving the wedding in the early evening to make it to the hotel, but we're not sure if that would be considered rude. The wedding starts at 2pm and by the time we leave, we would have already been there for the ceremony, drinks reception, and most of the dinner.
Basically, our question is, what's the earliest we can leave a wedding without seeming impolite?
Sincerely,
Ian
Weddings are supposed to be joyous occasions, but let's be real, they can also be incredibly stressful. Whether you're the bride, groom, best man or woman, or simply a guest, the lead up to the big day can be quite tense. That's where you come in, Alison. With your expertise as a wedding planner and venue owner, we're hoping you can offer some guidance.
First of all, let me say that I understand how difficult it can be when life throws conflicting commitments at you, especially when they involve loved ones and special occasions. Your sense of responsibility to attend the wedding after you've already RSVP'd is truly admirable. However, it's completely understandable that you also want to join your family on their holiday.
Finding a balance between responsibilities and family time can be tricky, especially when things get busy. But that's what life is all about, isn't it? And it's clear that you want to make the most of both events.
You mentioned that you will already be attending most of the wedding - the ceremony, drinks reception, and most of the dinner. This shows your commitment to the couple. However, I do have some concerns about leaving during the meal. It may draw a lot of attention to you and your wife, and it could potentially come across as rude.
My suggestion would be to wait until after the meal and speeches are over before making your exit. These are the formalities of the wedding, so it's important to be present for them. Take a moment to thank and congratulate the couple before you leave. This small gesture will show your appreciation and respect for them.
I understand that waiting another 30 minutes after the meal may not make a big difference in terms of attending the family event, but it will have a bigger impact on the couple. So, if possible, try to stay until after the speeches.
Before the wedding day, I recommend letting the couple know that you would love to stay for the entire evening, but you have a family commitment that requires your presence later on. This way, they are aware of your situation beforehand and won't feel offended when you leave early.
Leaving a wedding early is sometimes necessary, and if handled with care, it can be done without causing any resentment. The key is to communicate your plans with the couple and to make your exit after the formalities are over.
At our venue, we've had guests leave after the meal and speeches on multiple occasions, and we've never seen a couple take offense to it. The important thing is to take the time to thank and congratulate the couple before you leave. This shows that you truly enjoyed the day and regret that you have to leave earlier than planned.
I hope this advice helps, and I wish you a fantastic weekend at both celebrations.
Best wishes,
Alison
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