August 23rd 2024.
As I sat across from the kindest man I had ever met, I couldn't help but wonder, "What is wrong with me?" It seemed like a no-brainer to want someone as genuinely nice and interesting as him. But despite his charming personality, I couldn't seem to muster up any romantic feelings.
We were at a cozy pub, sipping on drinks and bonding over our shared interests and outlooks on life. Our conversation flowed effortlessly, yet I couldn't shake off the lack of attraction towards him. I always believed that finding someone with similar interests automatically equated to romantic chemistry, but as it turns out, things are more complex than that.
I was in a bitter and cynical state when Jake came into my life. I had learned to be wary of men who brand themselves as "nice guys" with hidden agendas. It seemed like every guy had some ulterior motive, whether it be complaining about not getting laid despite being "nice," or talking down to women in a condescending tone.
Before my date with Jake, genuine kindness felt scarce and almost like the bare minimum in relationships. But he was a breath of fresh air with his positive and respectful demeanor. He matched the pace of my wheelchair effortlessly, and as someone with a disability, I had always longed for that kind of effortless acceptance in a relationship.
But after about 15 minutes, I realized that I didn't fancy Jake. However, I believe that some people come into our lives to teach us something or shake us out of our rut. And that's exactly what Jake did for me. We engaged in polite conversation, and I couldn't help but notice his warm tone and genuine smile. He listened attentively and showed genuine interest in what I had to say. When he spoke about his family and work, there was a heartfelt sincerity in his words that should be the norm, but sadly, it isn't.
His enthusiasm for Game of Thrones was infectious, and I couldn't help but get swept up in his excitement. I've always been drawn to people who have a deep passion for something and can completely immerse themselves in it. I was reminded of how I had been told in past relationships that my love for sci-fi and fantasy was too much. But Jake's lack of self-consciousness and unbridled excitement for his interests made me realize that people's opinions don't matter as much as we think.
As our date came to an end and we left the pub, Jake ran into an acquaintance from his charity work. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his goodness and altruism, but at the same time, I didn't feel any romantic spark. We continued to message each other for a few days after the date, but it eventually fizzled out. We had agreed to remain friends, but deep down, I knew I would never see him again.
Sometimes, on paper and in those neat dating app messages, someone may seem perfect. But without that elusive chemistry, everything else falls flat. I still think fondly of Jake whenever someone mentions Game of Thrones, and I remember him for being the nicest man I had ever met. He made me a little less cynical and a little more myself. And although our paths diverged, I will always cherish the memories of that little date we had.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
This article was originally published on April 27, 2024.
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