July 8th 2024.
Becoming a mother brings about a whole new set of emotions and experiences, and for many women, one of those is the infamous 'mum guilt.' This feeling can start as early as pregnancy, as Tracy Vinnicombe discovered when she found out she was pregnant for the first time. From that moment, she viewed her two children, now 13 and 11, as "precious beings" that needed her constant care and attention.
Tracy, now 46 and living in Surrey, shares that she has always felt driven to be the best mother possible for her kids, while also balancing the demands of being a provider. This has often left her torn, as she struggles to find the right balance between work and being present for her children. Before becoming a mother, Tracy enjoyed a carefree life as a professional ballet and contemporary dancer, with no responsibilities or guilt weighing her down.
However, when her son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at just six months old, Tracy's mum guilt became even more overwhelming. This autoimmune disease affects the pancreas and renders it unable to produce insulin, making it a constant and life-threatening concern for her son's health. Tracy shares, "I was completely disconnected from my emotional and physical self. I forgot about me in order to learn everything I needed to help him stay alive." As a result, she spent years functioning on empty, dealing with the lack of sleep and trauma that came with her son's condition.
It wasn't until her son started school and had a full-time trained carer that Tracy was able to ease her guilt slightly. She has since been on a journey towards prioritizing herself, even if it's just finding a few minutes of peace on the walk back from the school run. Tracy admits that she initially felt guilty for taking this time for herself, but has learned to let go of that guilt and focus on her own well-being.
Tracy's struggles with mum guilt are further complicated by her son's type 1 diabetes. As a sports massage therapist and yoga instructor, she has developed coping mechanisms to help manage her stress, such as taking a ballet class or making time for her skincare routine. Her husband is also incredibly supportive and encourages her to take time out for herself, recognizing that it ultimately makes her a better parent.
The idea of 'mum guilt' is not new, and society has developed various terms to describe the pressure and expectations placed on mothers. From the 'mother's load' to 'matrescence,' it's clear that mothers are still taking on too much. A recent study by women's supplement brand Wild Nutrition found that 4 in 10 new mothers do not have a support system while navigating motherhood, and a shocking 84% feel lonely during the first few years of being a parent.
The study also revealed that 50% of mothers experience mum guilt, and 6 in 10 have unrealistic expectations of motherhood. Emotional support was reported as the most valuable form of assistance for mothers, with 78% stating that they would choose it over any other form of help. Additionally, almost half of the mothers surveyed felt that the transition into motherhood is not instant and can take anywhere from four to 10 years.
Tracy is not alone in her experience with mum guilt. Elena Kale, a co-parent to her 16 and 14-year-old daughters, has also struggled with this feeling since becoming a mother. She believes that mothers, in particular, feel guilty from the moment they see those two lines on a pregnancy test. Elena shares that she was constantly anxious about her choices as a mother, even from the early stages of pregnancy, worrying about what she was eating and if she was doing too much.
Motherhood is a journey filled with joy, love, and challenges. But it's important for mothers to prioritize their own well-being and let go of the guilt that often comes with it. As Tracy and Elena's experiences show, it's not easy, but it's necessary for both the mother and her family.
Being a mother is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding experiences in life. However, it also comes with its own set of challenges – one of which is the infamous "mum guilt." Tracy Vinnicombe, a 46-year-old mother from Surrey, knows this feeling all too well. She first experienced it when she found out she was pregnant for the first time, even before her two children, now 13 and 11, were born.
Tracy describes her children as precious beings that need constant care and attention. As a result, she feels a strong drive to be the best mother she can be while also being a provider for her family. This often leaves her torn between working too much and not being present for her children. Before becoming a mother, Tracy lived a carefree life as a professional ballet and contemporary dancer, with no responsibilities or guilt.
However, everything changed when her son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at just six months old. This autoimmune disease affects the pancreas, making it unable to produce insulin. As a result, Tracy's guilt as a mother only worsened. She devoted all her time and energy to learning everything she could to help her son stay alive, often neglecting her own well-being in the process.
Tracy admits that she was completely disconnected from her emotional and physical self during those early years of her son's diagnosis. She was functioning on empty, both mentally and physically, without even realizing it. It wasn't until her son started school full-time, with a full-time trained carer, that she was able to let go of some of her guilt. From then on, she has been on a gradual journey towards prioritizing herself, even if it means finding just five minutes of peace during the school run.
Despite making progress, Tracy still struggles with mum guilt, especially because her son has a chronic illness. As a sports massage therapist and yoga instructor, she has developed coping mechanisms, such as taking a ballet class once or twice a week and making time for her skincare routine in the morning. Fortunately, her husband is incredibly supportive and encourages her to take time for herself.
Tracy's story is not uncommon. Many mothers, like Elena Kale, also experience the impact of mum guilt. Elena, a mother of two, has been co-parenting her children since her split from her ex-partner in 2011. She believes that mums feel guilty from the moment they see those two lines on a pregnancy test. Her daughters are now 16 and 14, but she vividly remembers feeling anxious about her choices as a mother, even during pregnancy.
According to research from Wild Nutrition, a women's supplement brand, 4 in 10 new mums do not have the support of a "parenting village" when navigating motherhood. This lack of support can lead to feelings of loneliness, with 84% of mums reporting this during the first few years of parenthood. It's no surprise that 50% of those surveyed also reported feeling mum guilt. Many mums also have unrealistic expectations of motherhood, with 6 in 10 admitting to this.
One important finding from the research was that 78% of mums valued emotional support over any other form of assistance. Motherhood is a journey, and it takes time for women to adjust to their new role. In fact, 49% of those surveyed said that it takes between four and 10 years to fully embrace matrescence – the process of becoming a mother.
In conclusion, society has coined various terms to describe the pressure and expectations put on mothers, such as "mother's load," "the motherload," or simply "mum guilt." However, it's essential to remember that being a mother is a journey, and it's okay to prioritize our own well-being. As Tracy and Elena's stories show, mum guilt may never truly go away, but with support and self-care, we can learn to manage it and be the best mothers we can be.
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