January 25th 2024.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you just couldn't shake that feeling that something was off? Maybe you found a piece of clothing that didn't belong to you, or your partner suddenly became more secretive with their phone and whereabouts. Those gut instincts can be tough to ignore, and according to neuroscientist Eldin Hasa, they shouldn't be dismissed. Our brains are designed to detect potential threats and pick up on subtle cues, even if we don't consciously notice them.
However, Eldin also cautions against jumping to conclusions based solely on gut feelings. Our past experiences, insecurities, and cognitive biases can all influence our instincts and lead us to inaccurate conclusions. Despite studying human behavior for the past 30 years, Eldin says there's no one trait or type of person that can be identified as a cheater. It's important to communicate any concerns with your partner and hear their side of the story before making any accusations.
That being said, recognizing the behavioral signs of infidelity can be helpful in addressing concerns and starting difficult conversations. So if you can't shake that feeling that your partner may be cheating, here are some red flags to look out for.
One of the first signs of infidelity is increased secrecy and guardedness. Your partner may start password-protecting their devices, turning their phone over when you're around, or giving vague answers about their whereabouts. This is because the brain's amygdala, responsible for processing emotions and detecting threats, triggers heightened vigilance and self-protective behaviors when engaging in deceptive acts.
You may also notice that your partner seems more distant than usual or that there's a decreased emotional connection between the two of you. This is due to the disruption of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward that plays a crucial role in maintaining emotional bonds. Infidelity can throw off the release of dopamine, leading to a reduced emotional connection.
Changes in sexual behavior can also be a sign of infidelity. Your partner's sexual desire may decrease or increase, and they may even exhibit new preferences or techniques. This is because infidelity disrupts oxytocin and vasopressin, which can alter the brain's reward circuitry. Alternatively, your partner may try to compensate and appear less guilty by showing extra enthusiasm in the bedroom with you.
Increased irritability and defensiveness can also be a red flag. Your partner may exhibit unexplained mood swings, sudden irritability, and frequent defensiveness when confronted about their activities. This is a protective mechanism among cheaters, but it often only draws attention to the fact that something is off.
Unexplained changes in routine can also be a sign of infidelity. While it's normal for people to go through busier times or pick up new hobbies, if your partner is evasive when you ask about their new habits, it could be a cause for concern. Engaging in secretive activities associated with infidelity can trigger a release of dopamine, leading to a cycle of excitement that prompts escalating shiftiness.
Accusations can also be a telltale sign of infidelity. Your partner may paradoxically become overly defensive and accuse you of cheating. This is known as projection, where the guilty party projects their own actions and feelings onto their partner in an attempt to divert suspicion away from themselves. It's a form of manipulation that can make you question yourself and affect your self-esteem.
Another sign to watch out for is unexplained financial discrepancies. Your partner may seem financially strapped with no clear reason, or you may notice strange transactions coming out of your joint account. On the flip side, they may hide financial documents from you or refuse to explain their spending. None of these behaviors is definitive proof of infidelity, but they can be cause for concern.
If you do have suspicions, it's crucial to approach them with empathy, open-mindedness, and a commitment to open communication. And if your partner does reveal the worst, it's essential to surround yourself with supportive people, seek therapy to help process the situation, and assess if your relationship can survive. It may seem like little consolation, but at least you now know the truth.
Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing [email address]. And remember to take care of yourself and approach the situation with understanding and compassion.
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