June 16th 2024.
After a passionate encounter, Jon Hamm's character in Bridesmaids awkwardly expressed his desire for his partner to leave, highlighting the common stereotype of one-night stands and hook up culture. The idea of post-sex cuddles and emotional connection is usually reserved for established couples, but it is important to prioritize sexual aftercare in all types of sexual encounters, whether it's with a stranger or a long-term partner.
But how do you communicate this need for aftercare with someone you just met? Psychotherapist and clinical sexologist Ness Cooper suggests setting your intentions from the beginning. It's helpful to know beforehand if your partner is comfortable with spending more time together after sex, as some may have prior commitments or living arrangements that prevent them from doing so.
When discussing your needs, it's important to explain that aftercare is just as important to you as foreplay. We all have our own routines and rituals when it comes to sex, and expressing that aftercare enhances your pleasure can help your partner understand its significance. Just like bringing lube and condoms, you could also ask if there's anything you can bring for this part of the sexual experience.
Interestingly, research by Lovehoney shows that almost an equal number of people have had sex on the first date and those who wait. Amongst those who had sex on the first date, men were more likely to do so for the sheer enjoyment, while women saw it as a way to test sexual compatibility with a potential partner.
Cooper also suggests discussing other items that may be helpful during and after sex, such as food, a change of clothes, wash items, or something to help you relax after the excitement. If you don't feel comfortable discussing this with a one-night stand, remember to have a self-care plan in place for yourself. This could involve debriefing with a friend, pampering yourself, or engaging in physical activity to regulate your emotions.
Aftercare is not just for when things don't go as planned, but it's also important for maintaining a positive attitude towards sex. Cooper recommends agreeing on post-sex communication with your partner, whether it's a simple text or a longer chat. And if your partner is unable to fulfill this need, it's always helpful to have a friend to talk things through with.
In the end, aftercare is there to ensure that you continue feeling good about your sexual experiences. Whether it's with a one-night stand or a long-term partner, prioritize your emotional needs and communicate your intentions to make sure that aftercare is a part of your sexual encounters. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing us.
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