November 10th 2024.
Dear Eric,
I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to share some exciting news with you – I am newly in love and engaged! My fiancé and I are both in our early 70s and couldn't be happier. However, I have noticed something interesting since sharing our engagement with friends – quite a few of them have responded with, "How cute!" While I appreciate their happiness for us, I can't help but feel a bit infantilized by this reaction. It almost feels like they see us as small children playing dress-up, rather than adults embarking on a new chapter of our lives.
I understand that our love story may be unexpected and even startling to some, but I can't help but wonder if anyone would describe a 35-year-old couple getting married as "cute." Am I being overly sensitive about ageism in this situation? And if not, do you have any suggestions for a different response to this "cute" label?
Thank you for your insight and advice.
Sincerely,
Engaged at Any Age
Dear Engaged,
First and foremost, congratulations on your engagement! That is truly wonderful news and I am so happy for you both. As for your concern about the "cute" label, I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all. People tend to use that term as a catch-all for any unexpected or lovely relationship, regardless of age. However, thinking that finding love at your age is unexpected is ageist and dismissive of the fact that love knows no age limit.
If the label doesn't sit well with you, then that is all that matters. You and your fiancé get to define your relationship and how you want it to be seen by others. Instead of "cute," perhaps try using a different descriptor that better reflects your feelings. Maybe "passionate," "romantic," or "right on time" would be more fitting. Ultimately, the most important thing is that you and your fiancé are happy and in love.
Best of luck to you both on this exciting journey!
Sincerely,
Eric
Dear Eric,
I hope you are doing well. I wanted to seek your advice on a situation that has been bothering me. My husband has a longtime friend who often makes plans with us for outings, weekends, and even holidays, only to cancel a few days before the event. This has become one of my biggest pet peeves and it annoys me greatly.
I strongly believe that if you make plans with someone, you should follow through unless there is an emergency. Seeing my husband disappointed each time has become disheartening, and he has even started to avoid inviting this friend to join us on excursions just to avoid the disappointment of another canceled plan. I don't want to say anything to this person as he is my husband's friend and it's not my place to interfere. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
Thank you for your help.
Sincerely,
Tired of Canceled Plans
Dear Tired of Canceled Plans,
I completely understand your frustration and annoyance with this situation. One of the greatest things about friendship is being able to accept each other's quirks and idiosyncrasies. However, your husband's friend needs to understand that constantly canceling plans is not only disrespectful of your husband's time and effort in making these plans, but it also sends the message that their friendship is not a priority.
I suggest your husband address this issue with his friend, whether it be in a serious or lighthearted manner. He can simply express that he would love to invite him to more events, but he can't risk being let down again by another canceled plan. This conversation may also help the friend realize the impact of his actions and hopefully prompt him to be more reliable in the future.
Best of luck to your husband in navigating this friendship.
Sincerely,
Eric
Dear Eric,
I hope you are doing well. I wanted to seek your advice on a situation with a former friend of my son's. She and my son haven't been in touch in over 10 years, yet she continues to reach out to me and invite me to her daughters' birthday parties. While I appreciate the thought, I can't help but wonder why she wants to stay in touch. Both she and my son have since married other people, and I had hoped she would have developed new friendships by now. I am not interested in remaining in touch with her, but I also don't want to hurt her feelings. Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?
Thank you for your help.
Sincerely,
Former Friend
Dear Former Friend,
I am curious about the origins of this friendship. Were you and this former classmate ever close, or did she simply capitalize on your politeness and reach out to you? It seems odd that she would continue to call a former classmate's parent after all these years.
If it's weighing on you, I suggest being direct and honest with her. You can kindly but firmly let her know that you are no longer interested in staying in touch. While she may have hurt feelings, it is better to be honest rather than continue a relationship that you have no interest in. You can simply say, "It's been a long time since high school and I think it's best for us to go our separate ways. I wish you all the best."
Best of luck to you in handling this situation.
Sincerely,
Eric
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