Eric asked about a husband hiding financial information from his wife.

Dear Eric,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am a 62-year-old woman who has been happily married to my second husband for 30 years now. We are now empty nesters, and while I am grateful for the time we have together, there is one aspect of our marriage that has been causing me some concern. My husband has never shared his financial situation with me. As I am now disabled and no longer able to work, I depend on him for financial support. However, he simply tells me to spend less without giving me any insight into our financial standing. I have asked him on numerous occasions to sit down and plan a budget with me, but he always seems to brush it off. As someone on a fixed income, this lack of transparency has left me feeling like I am navigating through life without a clear sense of our financial security. How can I convince him to share this important information with me? And what would happen to me if he were to pass away before me?
Sincerely,
Hidden Accounts

Dear Hidden Accounts,
Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. I can understand how frustrating and uncertain this situation must be for you. Perhaps it would be helpful to approach the topic of financial planning from a different perspective. Instead of focusing on your current financial situation, you could try discussing long-term care and stability in case your husband were to predecease you. Ask him about his end-of-life plans and if he has a will in place. This could also open up a conversation about how you would access his accounts in the event of his passing.
A wise friend once advised me that every couple should have a binder where they store important documents such as birth certificates, marriage licenses, deeds, and bank account information. Maybe framing your concerns as a way to plan for unforeseen circumstances could help your husband understand the importance of being open and transparent with you.
I want to believe that your husband's reluctance to share this information is due to a desire to take care of you, but withholding important details in a marriage is concerning. If he continues to be uncooperative, you may want to consider involving your children in this conversation. They could potentially advocate for you and help ensure that you have the necessary information in case of an emergency.
Take care,
Eric

Dear Eric,
I am a 58-year-old divorced woman who has been in a relationship with my current partner for eight years. He is a talented and sensitive man, but when we have disagreements, he can become mean and call me names. He also tends to monopolize the conversation and rarely acknowledges my feelings. I am struggling to understand why he becomes a different person when we argue, but he refuses to discuss it with me, thinking I am just lashing out. I am confused and in need of advice.
Sincerely,
Confused Partner

Dear Confused Partner,
Thank you for reaching out to me. It sounds like your partner's behavior has some concerning traits of emotional abuse, which is a form of intimate partner violence. Please know that it is not your fault that he behaves this way and it is not okay for him to belittle you or dismiss your feelings.
While therapy could help address his actions, it is important for you to prioritize your own emotional well-being. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) is available 24/7 and can provide support and resources for you. It is important to reach out, even if you feel like the situation isn't that bad when you're not arguing. You deserve to be heard and supported.
Take care of yourself,
Eric

Dear Eric,
I am in my mid-60s and did not grow up using social media. I find it silly to think that anyone would be interested in my daily activities and dining choices. Therefore, I choose to stay off all social media platforms. However, some of my friends are active on platforms like Facebook and X.
In the past, I have hosted exclusive, invite-only parties at my house where I serve catered food and high-end wines. However, I have noticed that a few days after these parties, I receive inquiries from friends who were not invited, asking why they were left out. While I understand their curiosity, it is impossible for me to invite all my friends every time I have a party. How can I respond to these inquisitive friends without causing hurt feelings?
Sincerely,
Private Party

Dear Private Party,
It sounds like you lead a fun and exciting life, and I can understand why your friends would be curious about your exclusive parties. However, it is not their place to demand an explanation for not being invited. It is presumptuous and could potentially lead to hurt feelings.
In the future, you could consider including a request in your invitations asking guests not to post photos on social media so that everyone can enjoy the party in the moment. As for those who inquire about not being invited, you could simply tell them that there wasn't enough space or that you wanted to cultivate a specific group for that particular event. And if all else fails, just remind them that you're too popular to invite everyone.
Wishing you all the best,
Eric

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