October 29th 2023.
Dear Fiona,
Weddings are joyful occasions – but they can also be incredibly stressful. You are not alone; the cost of living crisis has changed how much some couples want to spend on a wedding. There is a trend now towards more budget-friendly options, including twilight receptions, small intimate gatherings, and elopements.
You clearly love your fiancé deeply, and your feelings for him are the same, which is a strong foundation for any relationship. Love is the most essential aspect of a partnership. Have an open and honest conversation with him about your worries. Let him know that you are grateful for the love you share but are having doubts about getting married.
Your wellbeing and happiness are important, and it is essential to address your concerns openly. You should never feel bad about expressing yourself – it is important to be true to your feelings and also your partner. Explain your worries about the financial aspects and your changing views on marriage. You can both discuss how you’ve worked hard to save a significant amount of money, and that you now feel it would be better spent on other life goals like buying your own home together or having children.
You never know – your partner may share your concerns or be open to finding a compromise.
Take the time to reassess your priorities as a couple – being on the same page regarding your long-term goals and aspirations is important. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all answer in matters of the heart, and it is OK for you to have doubts, and it is equally OK for you to change your mind. A healthy and fulfilling relationship is built on open communication, understanding, and shared goals.
Be prepared for unpredictable reactions from him. He may understand your views, but he may be disappointed or sad. Regardless of his initial reaction, remember honesty and being true to yourself is more important. Be empathetic and understanding when listening to his response. If the main issue is the amount of money you will spend on a large wedding, consider alternative options such as a more budget-friendly or intimate event.
If the issue is signing a paper and being married, you should consider postponing your wedding. Marriage is a significant commitment that should align with your values and desires. It is far better to address your concerns now than go through with something you might later regret.
Take some time for self-reflection to clarify your own feelings and desires. Explore why you have been feeling less enthusiastic about the wedding. What does marriage mean to you? What does it symbolise in your life? Perhaps if you’re not looking for anything legally binding, you could opt for commitment ceremony with a celebrant.
If the conversation with your partner doesn’t go the way you want, or in the run up, consider speaking to a therapist or counsellor – they can help you work through your thoughts and feelings and provide guidance on how to communicate.
Be kind to yourself as you navigate this challenging situation. Good luck, and take the time to make the right decision for you both.
Alison
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