August 23rd 2024.
In my sex life, mutual respect is something that I hold as a non-negotiable. It's a value that I have always stood by, even in the heat of the moment. I remember a particular encounter with a man named Harry that really highlighted the importance of this for me.
We were in the middle of having sex, but something just didn't feel right. Despite Harry being a gorgeous man, our physical connection wasn't there and I just wasn't enjoying the experience. So, I made the decision to leave. I told him this, and he was initially taken aback and left speechless. But he quickly regained his composure and suggested that we talk things out over a drink on the balcony.
I agreed, not wanting to hurt his feelings or leave things on a sour note. However, things took a turn for the worse when he started sulking and trying to convince me to stay and continue having sex. This was the tipping point for me and I knew I had to leave. Looking back, I still can't fully explain why I had such a strong negative reaction to him, but I just knew in my gut that I had to get out of there.
But let me tell you, I'm proud of my younger self for standing up for what I believed in and leaving a situation where I didn't feel comfortable. At the time, I was in my early 20s and I didn't have the maturity or experience to communicate my concerns in the bedroom. I barely knew Harry, we had only met a few times while out with friends, so it was very much a one-night-stand.
Now, as a more grown woman with more sexual experience and a better understanding of my own desires, I can look back and applaud my decision to leave. But I also know that this is still a common struggle for many, as I've had conversations with friends and acquaintances who have also found themselves in similar situations.
One friend shared that she often feels guilty if she doesn't say yes to sex with her boyfriend, even if she's not really in the mood. And another woman, who I've found to be more common in these situations, expressed her fear of being seen as "boring" or "teasing" if she doesn't "follow through" with sex.
It's a lose-lose situation when we ignore our own feelings and push ourselves to continue having sex. I want to break this silence and talk about it, without judgment. Because I know that I haven't always been able to walk away from these situations.
A few years ago, I had the worst sexual experience of my life. It's still difficult for me to talk about, but I think it's important to share my own challenges. I went on a first date with a man and things escalated quickly when he invited me back to his place. I hadn't planned on sleeping with him, but he was attractive and there was definitely a sexual spark between us.
However, once we started fooling around, I started feeling uncomfortable. At first, I stayed because I thought maybe I would discover a new desire, but it quickly became clear that his sexual preferences didn't align with my own. Instead of speaking up or leaving, I stayed and went along with it. And when it was over, I made up an excuse and left, never speaking to him again.
I don't place the blame solely on him, as I know that I could have communicated my discomfort better. But it's also important to recognize that he was ignoring my physical cues and that's not acceptable behavior from a sexual partner. But because I didn't speak up, there was no way for him to know how I was feeling.
That experience was a turning point for me, and I promised myself that I would always stop or leave if I was no longer enjoying the sex. It doesn't matter if it's in the middle of a sexual act or with a long-term partner, I have the right to step away if I'm not feeling it.
But I also want to clarify that this doesn't mean physically getting up and leaving in every situation. It's about listening to your body and not pushing your own boundaries. It's important to communicate with your partner, explaining your feelings and thoughts as best you can. And if you have the "ick" or just want to stop, that's okay. A better way to handle it, especially with a long-term partner, is to say something like, "I would like to stop and take some time to think about why I feel this way."
It's important to stay true to yourself and stay safe, but that doesn't mean disregarding the other person's feelings. In my own experiences, I've learned to treat my lovers with care and consideration, and I expect the same in return. And if I ever feel uncomfortable or no longer enjoy the sex, I have no problem communicating that and stopping.
But I also want to end on a positive note. Not too long ago, I was in the middle of foreplay with my partner when my sex drive suddenly dropped. He was doing everything right, but I had had a long day and was feeling anxious and stressed. Instead of pushing through or ignoring my feelings, I communicated with my partner and we stopped. We talked things out and then watched TV together, with no pressure or hard feelings.
I just want to emphasize that you always have the right to step away, and the other person must respect your decision. It's important to listen to yourself and your own feelings. And if you take anything away from my story, let it be this: you have the right to step away from any sexual situation that you are not comfortable with.
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