Don't assume trans people can or must share their identity.

I am perceived as a woman everywhere I go and by everyone I meet in real life. From strangers on the street, to the doctor, going through security at the airport, or even when I'm catcalled on the street. It's not just in person either, on social media I'm often met with negative comments and abuse from trolls who insist that 'you can always tell' when someone is transgender, which is usually meant as an insult.

It's laughable to me that these keyboard warriors think they can always tell, as it's rooted in transphobia and stereotypes about people's looks and bodies. As a trans person, I often share positive experiences I've had and how my friends, family, and the people around me support me for who I am. But even then, I'm met with comments like 'you can always tell' when someone is transgender.

It's like these trolls are so consumed by their hatred and prejudice for trans people that they cannot fathom other people supporting and loving us. They think that my family is lying to me to 'keep the peace' and that I'd never leave the house with no make-up and joggers. None of that is true, and I'm proud of how I don't need to rely on make-up or filters to pass as a woman.

I now just feel pity for these trolls, as it's so obvious to me that they must be deeply sad and consumed by their bigotry. My family and friends fully support who I am, and couldn't be more delighted to call me their friend, sister, daughter, auntie and niece. To them, it couldn't be more natural because they see that this is who I’ve always been, and how much happier I am now that I don’t have to suppress who I am.

This idea that you can 'always tell' is inherently built on binary stereotypes about people’s bodies and expression, that doesn’t only affect trans people, but anyone that doesn’t fit into these arbitrary standards. It means that anyone can become a target of abuse as a result, and it is ultimately misogyny and patriarchy at its core.

My suggestion is therefore that people get some real hobbies, and leave trans people alone. The reality is that trans people will continue existing and living their lives as themselves, and no matter how much abuse they hurl at us, we will continue to live our lives to the fullest – safe and supported by all our family and friends and society at large. And nothing they say can ever change that.

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