June 18th 2023.
Rebecca cuddling up to her dad, before his dementia diagnosis changed his life almost overnight. I remember the day we received the news. My mum called me for help, and when I arrived, my dad was panicking about his car. Nothing was wrong, but we took it to be serviced just to put his mind at ease.
It was a sign of the times to come. Dad became increasingly anxious about trivial things, despite our best efforts to reassure and reason with him. He was so frustrated that he had to rely on us for the simplest of tasks. We just didn't know how to help him.
The following year, we sadly lost dad to dementia. This will be my first Father's Day without him, and I know it will be hard - it always will be. Before his diagnosis, dad was sweet, calm and loving. But sadly, his personality started to change and he withdrew into a shell - mentally and physically.
My parents never fully recovered from the loss of my eldest sister, who died in her sleep with no warning. A year later, dad had the same happen to him, but luckily, we were on Bournemouth beach and RNLI lifeguards saved his life. It was a trying time for us all, but we cherished every moment we had with him.
Although it was difficult to watch, I took some time out of work and my sister took early retirement to help our mum care for him. I was wholly unprepared for living with dementia. I thought it was just a decline in memory - I was so wrong.
Many of us think dementia is all about memory loss, but it can also include mood changes, anxiety, bouts of confusion, agitation and even delusions. This was my dad's reality. If I could provide any advice, it would be don't be afraid to tell some 'love lies'. I found it was easier to just tell him I had done something to make him feel better, rather than trying to explain why it wasn't necessary.
After dad died, I returned to work at Alzheimer's Society as a social media officer, inspired by my experience of dementia. To challenge myself and walk in memory of my dad, I signed up for the Trek26 event to help raise awareness of living with dementia. I know dad would have been proud of me for taking this on.
As Father's Day approaches, I feel so lost without him in my life. It felt easier to cope during the initial weeks after he passed, because we had a funeral to plan. However, once that day was over, the real grief began. I received a card from my mum that said 'Love always' - for the first time in 45 years, the word 'dad' wasn't there.
It's astonishing how many little things can cause grief to hit you out of nowhere. I went to Screwfix recently and cried after seeing rawl plugs. Growing up, these were a staple in our house, as dad always had a DIY project on the go.
So, this Sunday I'm going to be away on holiday in Italy and will be screen-free. I know dad would have been so proud of me for taking this on and I'm determined to do something positive to honour his memory.
To support Alzheimer's Society, take part in one of the charity's Trek26 events, taking place in eight locations across the UK. To stop dementia in its tracks, visit alzheimers.org.uk/Trek26 for more information. You can also contact their support line on 0333 150 3456.
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