August 28th 2023.
I've long considered myself a proud feminist. I remember when I was in seventh grade I wrote an essay about Emmeline Pankhurst for a class assignment. I thought that women having both a career and a family was the ultimate feminist move. It was a way for us to defy traditional gender roles and show that women can have it all.
However, that all changed when I became a working mum last autumn. On my first day back, I prepared for work and dropped my son off at the nursery. I felt like the main character in my own movie, 'Brave Working Mum'. I strutted around central London with my freshly brushed hair and my hot coffee in hand. I had achieved it. I was a working mum.
Unfortunately, almost a year later, I'm a shell of my former self. I'm sleep deprived beyond belief, surviving off adrenaline and iced coffees with extra shots. I've come to realize that women can't have it all. We are victims to a patriarchal society that sets us up to fail. With the costs of childcare, working mothers are put in an impossible position.
We are expected to parent like we don't have jobs and work like we don't have families. Women become masters of juggling it all and remaining silent on the mental and physical burden it takes. Most places of employment have set hours that don't consider nursery opening and closing times, and there's no pay increase to match the rising costs of childcare.
New research recently found that seven out of ten women in the UK have faced discrimination or negative treatment at work after becoming a mother, and many feel they aren't working enough or spending enough time with their kids. There's a lot of guilt that comes with being a working mum.
Thankfully, my freelance job gives me a lot of flexibility, and I'm lucky to have a supportive partner. But without family nearby, it's still hard to find a balance between work and motherhood. I'm never going to be the perfect employee and the perfect mother, no matter how hard I try.
I was a proud feminist who believed women could have it all. That was until I became a working mum. Last autumn, I reentered the workforce after a year of maternity leave. I felt like I was the heroine of my own movie entitled 'Brave Working Mum’, and I naively WhatsApped my best friends to tell them how happy I felt. How wrong I was.
Almost a year on, I'm a shell of my former self. I'm sleep deprived beyond belief, surviving solely on adrenaline and iced coffees with extra shots. I realise women can't have it all - not when we're victims to a patriarchal society that sets working mothers up to fail.
Childcare costs puts working mothers in an impossible position. We're expected to parent like we don't have jobs and work like we don't have families. This leads to us feeling like we're failing on both counts. Women don't become masters of having it all, but rather masters of juggling everything and remaining silent on the mental and physical burden this takes. New research has found that seven out of 10 women in the UK have faced discrimination or negative treatment at work after becoming a mother.
I'm fortunate to have a partner with no family nearby, so the village of support is missing. I'm often stuck with a sick toddler on my lap, trying in vain to finish my work while he attacks my keyboard like it's a brand new toy. Or I'm logging onto my laptop after his bedtime to finish off the work I struggled to get through that day.
No matter how hard I try or pretend to myself, I'm never going to be the perfect employee and the perfect mother. This guilt I feel leads to me questioning why employers would continue to work with me when they can choose someone childfree who has no dependents to worry about.
Yes, I've come to realise that 'having it all' is not the ultimate feminist move. Society needs to better accommodate working mothers, and I'm determined to make my voice heard so that the next generation of women won't have to go through the same struggles.
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