January 3rd 2025.
As I lay on top of my boyfriend, I couldn't help but notice how my soft belly rested on his much harder stomach. My large breasts swayed in his face as I leaned forward, creating an interesting tube-like shape with the help of gravity. The warmth of the room caused my rolls to stick to his skin more than usual. In that moment, my mind began to wander to dark places.
Unwanted and intrusive thoughts crept into my head, causing me to silently berate myself for not having a tighter frame. I couldn't help but wish I was slimmer, as I had been in the past. It was a frustrating and all too familiar feeling. The crazy thing is, my lover doesn't see my body the way I do. In fact, he loves every soft curve and has expressed his admiration for them countless times. He even enjoys when I'm on top. And yet, despite knowing this, I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to hit the gym harder.
Before I continue, I want to make it clear that I am not here to judge anyone who wants to improve themselves. With the start of a new year, many of us embark on journeys to better ourselves. This may be a scenario that resonates with some of you. Perhaps you find yourself standing in front of the mirror, poking at parts of your body that you're unhappy with while scolding yourself for indulging over the holidays. Maybe the thought of being naked with someone else makes you nervous.
We often think of January as a month of self-care, but I've learned that depriving yourself of sex is not the answer. For many, this month becomes 31 days of punishment as we deny ourselves pleasures, including sex, in an attempt to balance the scales, both figuratively and literally. But please know that I am not here to judge. I myself was in the gym on January 1st, so I understand the desire to improve. Just make sure to approach your goals with a kind mindset towards your current body.
Now, what I take issue with is the idea that we are not worthy of love or affection, especially in the bedroom, because of our current appearance. As a curvy woman who has dated men with slimmer or more muscular builds, I know all too well the feeling of insecurity. It hasn't always been an easy journey. I recall one instance where I overheard a hookup's friends questioning his decision to sleep with me, simply because I didn't fit their standard of attractiveness. I didn't hesitate to stand up for myself and tell them exactly where they could stick their opinions. However, the damage was already done. I was only 20 years old at the time, and their words stuck with me for a long time.
But thankfully, this story has a happy ending. In the years that followed, I had sexual experiences with people who made it abundantly clear that they enjoyed every inch of my body. One memory that stands out is when I dated a personal trainer. Every part of his body was toned, which made me feel a bit intimidated. Our first sexual encounters happened over video calls since we lived far apart. I was self-conscious about being naked on camera due to the harsh lighting in my bedroom. But I pushed through and gave my date a full view of my naked body. With a beaming smile, he told me I was "so f***ing hot."
Another happy memory took place just last year. I was lying naked on my side in bed, facing away from my boyfriend. As I shifted, the sheets rolled down, revealing my stomach. In that moment, I felt his fingers tracing the side of my body, from my breast to the dip before my hip. "I love this curve," he said before pulling me in for a cuddle. It's hard to put into words how beautiful I felt at that moment, and I believe everyone deserves to experience that feeling.
My weight has fluctuated over the years, but it has never stopped me from having incredible sex. And it shouldn't stop you either, no matter how you feel about your body. I've had sex against walls, on kitchen counters, and even on a nudist beach. Whether I'm bigger or smaller, my body reacts the same way to someone's touch. My pleasure has nothing to do with my appearance, and neither does yours.
But if you're feeling uncomfortable in your current shape, that's okay. You are allowed to use this month as a way to reset or be healthier. Just don't deprive yourself of pleasure because of your weight. Your worth, both sexually and otherwise, has not changed. In fact, if you're struggling in January, a good shag can give you an endorphin boost and help you stay on track with your other goals.
Remember, sex is for everyone and every body. And for those of you who may be feeling insecure, just know that you are not alone. We all have our moments of doubt and self-consciousness, and that's okay. But don't let those thoughts hold you back from experiencing pleasure and intimacy. You deserve to feel beautiful and desired, no matter what your body looks like. So let's embrace our bodies and all the amazing things they can do, both in and out of the bedroom.
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