September 14th 2024.
As I arrived at the school playground one day in April, I was struck by a sight that made me feel truly saddened. I saw groups of parents with their heads buried in their phones, scrolling aimlessly through Facebook and Instagram. It seemed like they were completely disconnected from the world around them, and not engaging with each other or their children.
It was at that moment that I had a realization - if I hadn't accidentally left my phone at home while rushing to pick up my kids, I would have been just like them. Watching kids excitedly run to their parents, only to be met with a distracted response or a request to wait a moment, made me realize that I didn't want my children to have that same experience.
I had forgotten my phone at home as I hurried out the door, and although we only lived a short walk away from the school, I didn't go back to get it. And now, I'm so grateful that I didn't. Normally, if I arrived a few minutes early and didn't see any of my mom friends, I would automatically reach for my phone to pass the time. But on this particular day, without my phone, I felt a bit lost and anxious.
It was ironic that I reached for my phone to Google my symptoms, and even wondered if I was developing nomophobia. But seeing all those parents glued to their screens made me reflect on my own phone habits and the message it was sending to my kids. I remembered a head teacher at an infant school in Eastbourne who had requested that parents refrain from using their phones while picking their children up from school, in order to bring back the joy of conversation into the community. And I couldn't agree more.
When I got home just 10 minutes later with my kids, eagerly telling me about their day, I went straight for my phone. But as I picked it up from where I had left it on the kitchen table, I realized that there were no important emails, calls, or texts. The social media DMs could wait, and they certainly weren't more important than my kids.
I was disappointed in myself for prioritizing my phone over my children, and I decided to take some of my own advice as a parenting specialist and become a better role model. I made a rule to not use my phone from the moment I arrived at the school gates until we were settled at home, which usually took about 45 minutes. It wasn't always possible, as I also work from home, but even just 10 minutes of being disconnected during the school run was beneficial for both me and my kids.
I found that I was more present and connected with my children when I wasn't distracted by my phone. And I also realized that I needed that break from the online world. Although it was difficult at first, I gradually got better at purposely leaving my phone at home. Of course, there were days when I still had my phone with me out of habit, but I made a conscious effort to not take it out of my pocket and instead just stood with my own thoughts or engaged in conversation with other parents.
I understand that not everyone is a social butterfly and sometimes we use our phones as a way to avoid small talk. But instilling good habits and being a positive role model is one of the best ways to show our children how to use technology in a healthy way. Now, if I'm not feeling particularly sociable, I time my pick-up just right so that I can leave as soon as my kids are out of school. Once we're home, I follow my 60 minute rule of not asking about their day unless they want to tell me. Instead, we talk about other things.
Having that uninterrupted time with my kids has made us all happier. And I've noticed that once they're settled with homework or activities, they're less likely to interrupt me if I have to continue working. The issue of children's phone addictions has been widely discussed, with calls to ban smartphones for children under 16. But I believe that as parents, we need to take responsibility for our own phone addictions and set a good example for our children.
Before we even give our kids their own phones, we need to examine our own use of technology and how it may influence theirs. And if we are strict with our own rules and boundaries, it will be easier to implement the same for our children. Putting our phones away at school is a simple way to show our kids that we don't need to constantly reach for our phones to keep ourselves occupied, and that we can still be sociable or comfortable in our own thoughts.
Taking a break from our phones can also help us decompress, appreciate the world around us, and most importantly, properly connect with our children. Small changes can make a big impact, and it all starts at the school gates. So let's put our phones away and have real conversations with our kids.
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