September 5th 2024.
When I think back to the first time my son Jayden was suspended, it feels like a lifetime ago. He was just five years old, and had only been in reception for a few months. It was a hectic time for me, as I had given birth to my daughter a few days prior. I was looking forward to some rest after dropping Jayden off at school that morning.
But my plans were quickly disrupted when I received a call from the school, telling me that Jayden was "kicking off" and I needed to come back immediately. I was confused, as he had been totally fine at home that morning. When I arrived, I could hear him shouting and swearing, lashing out at anyone who approached him. I was so distressed and nervous as I made my way to the office, not knowing what I would find.
The headteacher, with a look of shock on his face, told me that in his 10 years of teaching, he had never seen a child like Jayden. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, as if it was all my fault. I took Jayden home, and the next day, the school called to inform me that he was being suspended for two days.
It was a shock to me, as before starting school, Jayden had been a normal, energetic five-year-old. Even at home, I didn't see any outbursts like the ones he was having at school. His previous childminder was also surprised by his behavior. But in the first nine months of school, he was suspended a total of 17 times for the same reasons - getting angry in the classroom, hitting out, and being verbally abusive.
Despite the constant calls from the school, I didn't feel like they were truly listening to my concerns about Jayden. They didn't seem to consider that there may be underlying issues causing his behavior, instead labeling him as a "difficult child." This was incredibly unfair, as he was still so young and clearly needed more support than just being labeled as "difficult."
The shame and guilt I felt during this time is what has led me to share my story. I know there are many other children like Jayden who are being suspended or even excluded at such a young age, often because they have additional needs that haven't been identified. I have spoken to other parents in similar situations, and we all carry a heavy weight of guilt. These children are not just "naughty" or "bad," their behavior is often a cry for help.
I strongly believe that if someone had listened to me and referred Jayden for a professional diagnosis early on, we wouldn't have lost so many years and he would have had the support he needed to have a more positive experience at school. But unfortunately, in a system with limited resources and lacking in the ability to handle complex needs, getting that help is near impossible.
I did my own research and pushed for Jayden to receive therapy once a week, but even then, I felt like the focus was more on our relationship rather than his mental health needs. It wasn't until I repeatedly asked for a medical referral that Jayden was finally sent to a children's psychiatric unit and diagnosed with ADHD, emotional and behavior disorders, and oppositional defiant disorder. He started taking medication and I was able to have some respite care two nights a week.
At his next school, which was the sixth one he had attended, things were still difficult. In fact, the police were even called when Jayden barricaded himself in a classroom with his friends. It was a constant battle, but I refused to give up on my son and advocated for him every step of the way.
Looking back, I wish the system had been more equipped to handle children like Jayden, and that there was more support available for families like ours. But I am grateful for the progress he has made and the strides he continues to make every day. My hope is that by sharing our story, we can bring awareness and understanding to the struggles of children with additional needs and their families, and work towards a more inclusive and supportive education system.
The headteacher was a seasoned educator, with a decade of teaching experience under his belt. However, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw that day - a child unlike any other he had encountered before. The child in question was a young boy named Jayden, who had just been suspended for the first time at the tender age of five. It was a shock for both the headteacher and Jayden's mother, who had recently given birth to her daughter and was looking forward to a peaceful day after dropping her son off at school.
As she settled down at home, the phone rang - it was the school calling to inform her that Jayden was causing a disturbance and she needed to come back immediately. Confused and worried, she rushed back to the school, where she could already hear her son's voice - shouting, swearing and lashing out at anyone who came near him. She was distressed and apprehensive as she made her way to the headteacher's office, unsure of what to expect.
The headteacher, in his many years of experience, had never come across a child like Jayden. This left both the mother and the headteacher feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Jayden was taken home and the next day, the school called to inform his mother that he was being suspended for two days. This was unheard of for a child in reception and the mother couldn't help but feel responsible for her son's behavior.
The situation only seemed to escalate from there, with the school constantly calling the mother to pick Jayden up for being disruptive. It got to a point where she would wait for the school's call every morning, knowing that if she hadn't heard from them by 10am, she could safely have her breakfast. But that was rarely the case, as she often had to go and pick up her son from school.
This sudden change in Jayden's behavior was a shock to his mother, as he had always been a typical, energetic five-year-old before starting school. Even his previous childminder was surprised by his behavior at school, as she had never witnessed anything like it while taking care of him. In just nine months of school, Jayden had been suspended a staggering 17 times, all for the same reasons - getting angry, hitting out and being verbally abusive.
Despite the school's frequent calls, the mother felt that they were not truly listening to her concerns about Jayden. They simply labeled him as a 'difficult child' without taking into consideration any possible underlying issues he may have. This was unfair to the young boy, who was clearly struggling and in need of help, rather than being labeled as 'naughty' or 'bad'.
Feeling guilty and ashamed, the mother has bravely decided to share her story, as she believes there are many other children like Jayden who are suspended or even excluded at a young age due to undiagnosed additional needs. She has met other parents in similar situations, who all share the same sense of guilt and frustration. These children are not inherently 'naughty' or 'bad', but their behavior is often a cry for help.
The mother strongly believes that if someone had listened to her and referred Jayden for a professional diagnosis early on, they could have avoided losing precious time and Jayden would have received the support he needed to have a more positive school experience. Unfortunately, getting that help in a system with limited funds and resources is a daunting task. The mother had repeatedly expressed her concerns about Jayden's mental health, especially as his father had a history of schizophrenia, but it fell on deaf ears.
Determined to get her son the help he needed, the mother did her own research and relentlessly pushed until Jayden was finally able to receive therapy once a week. However, she felt that the focus was too much on their relationship and not enough on Jayden's mental health needs. It was during one of these therapy sessions that Jayden opened up about having 'an army in his head' - a good side and a bad side.
After much persistence, Jayden was referred to a children's psychiatric unit, where he was finally diagnosed with ADHD, emotional and behavior disorders, and oppositional defiant disorder. He started taking medication and the mother also had some much-needed respite care twice a week. But despite all of this, Jayden had already been through six different schools, and his behavior was still causing concern. In fact, the police had to be called when he barricaded himself in a classroom with his friends at his most recent school.
It has been a long and difficult journey for Jayden and his mother, but she hopes that by sharing her story, she can raise awareness about the importance of identifying and addressing additional needs in children at a young age. She believes that if someone had listened to her concerns and taken action earlier, it could have made a significant difference in her son's life.
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