Ascribing good intent or bad intent is one of the most quietly powerful choices we make about the people around us. The intent we assume becomes the lens through which we interpret every action. If we don’t trust someone’s intent, it almost doesn’t matter what they do – we’ll find a way to see it negatively. And the reverse is also true.
The most powerful experience I’ve had on intent comes from George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire. The books are a work of art because the entire plot is advanced from the point of view of various characters.
In the first two books, the story is told largely from the Stark family’s point of view. They despise the Lannisters, and through their eyes, Jaime Lannister becomes the embodiment of arrogance, selfishness, and everything that is wrong with human nature. I remember reading those books and feeling the same way – hating Jaime without ever hearing from him directly.
Then book three arrives, and suddenly there’s a chapter from Jaime’s point of view.
One chapter.
And by the end of it, I found myself thinking he was one of the most misunderstood, complex, even heroic characters in the story. Nothing about his circumstances changed – only the intent I had been unconsciously ascribing to him.
It was a revelation.
Everyone else had been projecting bad intent onto him, and I absorbed their view without questioning it.
Ever since, I’ve held onto that lesson.
If someone in your life ascribes bad intent to everything you do, there’s almost no path out. Your actions won’t matter if the lens is fixed.
And whenever I find myself frustrated with someone, or forming a story about why they did something, I think back to Jaime Lannister. It forces me to pause, reflect, and ask: Am I making the same mistake?
Because sometimes, all it takes is a single different point of view to completely change the story.
