December 7th 2024.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes it takes a wake-up call to realize that you've been deceiving yourself. In this week's Sex Column, we hear from a woman who has been in denial about her toxic relationship with her boyfriend, a married man with children. It wasn't until she discovered that he had multiple mistresses in different towns that she began to feel like she was being played.
Before we dive into the advice, make sure to catch up on last week's column where a man shared his story about his girlfriend cheating with an older, wealthy man. Now, onto this week's dilemma.
The issue at hand is that this woman is deeply in love with her boyfriend, but she's struggling to come to terms with the fact that he only sees her as a place to stay with added benefits of sex. They met online and after a string of failed relationships, she thought she had finally found her perfect match. He was upfront about being married but assured her that he would leave his wife once his children were grown.
However, what she didn't expect was to find out that he also had other girlfriends in different parts of the country. One of them even reached out to her on social media to let her know that she wasn't the only one. He has a great job that requires him to travel all over the UK, and he takes advantage of that by having affairs with different women. He's charming, successful, and knows how to use his good looks to his advantage.
But this woman is starting to realize that love isn't the only thing that matters in a relationship. She can accept his marital status for now, but the fact that he has other girlfriends makes her feel uneasy. When she confronted him, he claimed that he never promised to be exclusive and that the other woman was just a jealous ex who shouldn't be trusted.
She confided in a friend who didn't sugarcoat the truth and told her that she needs to face the fact that this guy is using her for convenience and saving money on hotel bills. It's a harsh reality that she doesn't want to believe, as it would break her heart.
The advice she received was straightforward – why would she want to be with someone like this? Sure, he's attractive, has a good job, and is great in bed, but is that all that matters? What about being valued and respected in a relationship? This man will never be faithful to anyone, and he even had the audacity to tell her that he has no intention of being exclusive.
If she wants to continue seeing this guy for flings, that's her choice, but the better option would be to find someone who truly cares for her and wants to share their life with her. She shouldn't settle for someone who only sees her as a temporary place to stay.
So the advice is to cut him off and move on. When he calls, tell him that you and your home are no longer available for his convenience. Don't let him use you any longer. There are plenty of attractive, faithful men out there who are also great in bed. She deserves better.
And for anyone else facing a similar dilemma, don't think that this is the best you can get. Keep looking and don't settle for someone who doesn't value and respect you. Love yourself enough to walk away from a toxic situation.
Laura, a professional counsellor, and columnist, offers this advice. If you have a sex and dating dilemma, send it to her for expert advice. You deserve to be in a loving, faithful relationship, so don't settle for anything less.
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