January 25th 2025.
Breaking up is never easy, but when it happens more than once with the same person, it can be even harder to handle. This week's Sex Column features a reader who was left heartbroken when her long-term girlfriend broke up with her for a man. Despite this, they briefly reconciled for a night of passion, giving her hope that they were back on track, only to be rejected once again, leaving her even more shattered than before.
But before we dive into the advice, don't forget to check out last week's column where a man shared his experience of being blindsided by his friend with benefits who turned out to be pregnant. Now, let's get into the problem at hand.
Our reader is a 28-year-old gay woman who has never been in a relationship with a man, unlike her ex-girlfriend who is bisexual. They were together for three years before breaking up last summer when her girlfriend got together with a guy on holiday and decided their relationship had run its course. Our reader was devastated and spent six months trying to move on from the split. It was a difficult time as she couldn't sleep or eat and the thought of being in another relationship was far from her mind.
Meanwhile, her ex was posting happy pictures with her new boyfriend, which felt like a painful reminder of their breakup. But a few weeks ago, out of the blue, they bumped into each other at a party. They had a heart-to-heart conversation where her ex expressed how much she missed her and that things with the guy just weren't the same. This led to them ending up back at our reader's place where they had amazing sex. She thought they were back on track as her ex told her she still loved her and wanted to try again. However, the next morning, she woke up alone with a note from her ex apologizing and saying she had made a mistake and wanted to continue with her current boyfriend.
Our reader was devastated once again and reached out to her ex multiple times, but she had been blocked on all social media platforms, leaving her with no way to contact her. She felt angry with herself for believing her ex's lies and allowing herself to be pulled back in. It felt like she was back to square one in her healing process.
Now for the advice. First and foremost, it's important to not blame yourself or feel like you did anything wrong. What happened was natural, especially after a few drinks, and it's understandable that your feelings for your ex resurfaced. It may feel like the end of the world right now, but trust me, it's not. Sometimes, all we can do is wait for time to heal our wounds. As cliché as it may sound, time really is a great healer.
It was wrong of your ex to lead you on like she did, but perhaps the alcohol clouded her judgment. Even if she hadn't blocked you on social media, it would have been best for you to stop following her and looking at her pictures. It's time to move forward from this relationship and torturing yourself by keeping tabs on her every move will only hold you back.
It might help to give her the benefit of the doubt and tell yourself that she didn't intentionally play with your emotions. I know it may be difficult, but letting go of the anger and upset you feel will help you move on in a more positive way. Healing takes time, but eventually, you will be able to put this experience in the past where it belongs. Use your energy to find someone new who will love and respect you, and give you the type of relationship you deserve.
Laura, a counsellor and columnist, is here to offer her expert advice. If you have any sex and dating dilemmas, don't hesitate to send your problem to her email. And if you have a story to share, please get in touch by emailing us.
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