September 8th 2023.
Society, it seems, is obsessed with quantifying sex. We are often presented with a 'magical number' to strive for, or a dreaded, 'sexless number' to fear. But, according to Match’s dating expert Hayley Quinn, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the 'right' amount of sex to have with your partner.
Hayley explains that the definition of a 'sexless relationship' varies from couple to couple. For some, it is a month without physical intimacy, while for others, it can be when one partner explicitly tells the other they no longer want to have sex. She adds that there are many reasons why one or both partners may no longer want sex, such as health issues, age, a loss of desire, or identifying as asexual.
The 'grind of life' can also have an impact on sex in relationships, causing 'ruts' and 'dry spells' for couples. But before hitting the panic button, Hayley suggests considering whether this is a 'dip', or short-term issue, due to things like work stress or a new baby.
It seems that science has an answer to the 'optimum amount' of sex for couples to be having: once a week. A study involving over 30,000 participants found that people's happiness levels associated with sex plateaued when they did it once a week. A separate study of 25,510 Americans aged 18 to 89 backed this up, finding that having sex around once a week was the 'sweet spot' for happiness.
However, Hayley stresses that couples should not feel pressure to have sex once a week, as this stress may defeat the purpose of the act in the first place. If one or both partners are feeling insecure, she advises working together to find a middle ground, such as regular good morning massages or cuddles on the sofa. If the issue persists, couples therapy may be an option to explore.
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